In the first two games of the MASN LDS's, the Orioles and Nationals both come away with splits, and in very similar fashion I might add. The Orioles had to suffer through back-to-back rain delays with both first pitches coming closer to 9PM (which makes for some very late nights and tired mornings for your humble commissioner). In the first game, a pitchers duel turned into a rout as Jim Johnson got shelled for 5 runs in the 9th inning. Russell Martin (who?) of all people cranked a home run to get it started, and then the floodgates opened. In game 2, the pitching was very tight again, as Pettite was out-dueled by Wei-Yin Chen for 7 innings, and got mad at himself for giving up a 2-run single to Chris Davis in the 3rd inning (watching Pettite scream at himself made for some pretty amusing TV if you got to see it). The Orioles overcame a baserunning blunder by JJ Hardy and 2 errors to squeak the Yanks 3-2 and send the series to the Zoo tied at 1. BTW, the Orioles are 6-3 at Yankee Stadium this year...I know I know, don't jinx it. Players know that too.
The Nationals fell behind early in game 1 in St. Louis thanks to Gio Gonzalex career-high 7 walks in 5 innings. However, despite the control problems, he managed to only concede 2 runs (without giving up a hit). Those 2 runs stood up until the 8th inning when a rookie sensation came through with a clutch 2-out, 2-run hit to put the Nats up 3-2. No, it was not Bryce Harper, who started the series 0-8 with 5 strikeouts. It was Tyler Moore, pinch hitting for a bullpen pitcher. That hit proved to be the game winner as Drew Storen slammed the door in the 9th. Game 2 did not exactly follow the same script. The Nats went up 1-0, but it was all Cards from that point on as they KOed Jordan Zimmermann and just about every other pitcher Davey Johnson trucked out there running away with a 12-4 win. Now the series shifts to Washington, where you a bunch of government workers will be playing hooky because of the 1:00PM start. That's your tax dollars at work, ladies and gentlemen.
Oh right, this is supposed to be a fantasy football column. So let's take a look at the match recaps from week 5.
Last week, JP Techmo-Chop Blocked Caputo's Corner into submission, effectively ending his season. This week, another former champ watches his competitive season come to a close...and he didn't really put up much of a fight to stop it. JP improves to a commanding 5-0 thanks to a not-so-impressive 99-74 win. If we gave away a scoring pot for the LOWEST scores of the week (and season), Zach would be the season champ. Ron Mexico has become Ron Antarctica as he has cracked the 90 point mark only once this season, and his one win came by a fraction over a green rookie. JP, on the other hand, is 5-0, but caught some good luck in two of his wins, this week being no exception as several teams cracked 100 points, but JP did not.
STOP THE PRESSES, STOP THE PRESSES!! Caputo's Corner actually won a game, and by virtue of Ron Antarctica's dismal performance, has climbed out of the overall cellar in all of MIISFFL. The Orioles may not have been rained out, but the Jeff Newman mom-bomb was certainly washed away in the monsoons that drenched Baltimore this week. In fact, had it not been an offensive runaway for Kinda Runny, the commish would have won the scoring pot this week. It certainly did not hurt that Kevin Kolb turned in a Kevin Klunker, with a negative 9 pacing Jeff's offense. Nick did not have one player score 20 points on the day, but consistent scoring across the board put Caputo's Corner's charges 3 points short of 130.
Both of our obese omniscients predicted that Dewey would win this week in a squeaker over Gaz. Well, they got one part right...that it was a squeaker. Only 6 points separated the two. What they didn't get right was the winner. Gaz painted himself blue with the likes of Cruz, Brown, Bennett, Smith, and Tynes, but his top scorer was black, gold, and sporting a kick-ass scar on his right cheek. Drew Brees set an NFL record for consecutive games with a TD pass, and plopped 31 points in Gaz's lap to help him stay green at 4-1. Foster may be Austrarian for Beer, but Dewey better be careful because he is treading closer to Ron Antarctica territory now at 2-3. Next week, he may be crossing the Ron Antarctica Circle on his way to the Schaub Pole of fantasy nothingness.
Our other porky prognosticator predicted himself (go figure) to prevail over a preposterous Patrick. And the fantasy world weeps crocodile tears as he is in fact correct, but only by the hair of his chinny-chin-chinstrap. Nearly identical scoring lines from all positions (as well as from Yahoo's projections) led this one to be a nailbiter, but the clincher came from the WR2 position as Wes Wekler posted 25 compared to Mike Wallace's 2.7. We have still yet to see a Jaquizz Rodgers sighting, and Ben Tate remains on the bench. As for Patrick, Jamaal Charles gashed the normally reliable Ravens D, but could not sniff the endzone (did Cassell really try to sneak that one in???), otherwise, that could have put the tormented teacher over the top (ended with not quite as much alliteration as the start)
In our first ever Parkville PunchFest, the Extreme Team edges his ChipupDog Andy in a 114-108 squeaker. Yahoo again was almost right on the money with its predictions (much to the chagrin of Kent), but big scores from Bradshaw (31), Gonzo (26), and the Panthers D (23) proved to be too much, despite a -2 from Flacco who could not solve that vaunted KC defense. Brandon Marshall put up the only big number for Andy, as Tom takes round one of this sure to intense rivalry for years to come. Andy may be ChipupDogging it after a huge season-opening win over Patrick Small, now finding himself at 2-3 and in bad position thanks to JP being 5-0 in the Greene Turtles division.
Finally this week, Patrick Small Kinda Ran away with it against Sean. The contest was only as close as it was thanks to Colston being the recipient of Brees' record TD. Otherwise, it was all Patrick as the Monsters of the Midway surrendered just a field goal to the Jacksonville KittyKats in hanging this week's 40-burger. Percy and Peyton provided a nice 1-2 punch to complement nearly posted 30 points each thesmselves. After some lackluster performances in the early going, Patrick's blowout now puts him at 3-2 and brings back memories of his Menace Bowl run from 2 seasons ago. Sean is at 1-4 and now butting heads with Caputo's Corner for WE'RE NOT THE WORST! honors.
That's a wrap up on this week's wrap ups. Next week, we hope to still be commentating on baseball. Hey, despite my win, I'm still 1-4. Give me a couple more wins before I get excited again, and by then baseball season will be over. In any event, next week we have :
Zach-Patrick Small (Patrick looking pretty good to win another scoring pot)
Kent-Andy (Kent's turn to kick the rookie while he's down?)
Nick-Patrick (the long awaited teacher bowl returns!)
JP-Dewey (Battle of the Bucs Fans part 1)
Jeff-Gaz (Nudity attempts to diffuse the mom-bomb for the second week in a row)
Tom-Sean (A matchup between the two most geographically distant league members)
Thanks again for all you do to make the Mashup, and MIISFFL a success, no matter what sport we report on!
Nick
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