Gobble gobble! We are entering the home stretch in MIISFFL and everybody is jockeying for position. Some for the playoffs...some...*ahem*...for something else. Frustration and anticipation are setting in as we get ready for the turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy. For some of us, Thanksgiving dinner will taste so much better. For others, we'll be stuffing our faces just to get the bad taste out of our mouths. The mashup has taken a poll of league members to determine what everyone's Thanksgiving plans are. Let's see what everyone is up to.
Your commissioner, contemplating retirement from all things fantasy, will be going on a wild turkey and deer hunt, but not to kill them oh no, but to replace everybody who plays for both Caputo's Corner and the Washington Redskins as wild animals would be definite upgrades.
Patrick will be joining me since Kinda Runny is the Washington Redskins.
Kent will using his tears to make a special Thanksgiving cocktail after he suffered the Thanksgiving eve trifecta: Colts got slaughtered in the desert, the Bron-colts muffed their way to a loss in New England, and his version of the fantasy "Dream Team" failed in epic fashion (more on that to come).
Eddie will leave the wine at home and bang his head against the wall to simulate the effects after he could not take advantage of Kent's misfortune, ceding the top spot to Zach.
Zach will be feasting with Carolina Cam in addition to Mr. Mexico Vick on a strange assortment of dishes that would make PETA cringe.
Dewey will be making a quick dash to the supermarket on Thanksgiving, not for any missing ingredients, but for more paper bags to put over his head.
Jeff will be catching the red-eye to Dallas to share some turducken with Tony Romo and the Cowboys Defense...only to surprisingly go missing before he returns...........
Gaz will be going to the NFL offices in New York, pretending to be a balloon in the Macy's Parade, in order plead with Roger Goodell to make some sort of stat correction which will reverse the result in his match with Sean.
Sean will be the grand marshal of the Macy's Parade. Unbeknownst to the revelers, the parade is in honor of him avoiding the first overall pick in the 2014 draft.
Andy will be playing the role of Santa Claus, for he is in a jolly mood after contributing to Kent's foul weekend.
Tom will be dressed like bull, hunting bears for his Thanksgiving dinner, all the while making friends with the entire city of Green Bay, Wisconsin.
Finally, JP will be attempting to reconcile with the City of Tampa this Thanksgiving, because he finally realizes that Falcon is not really an appropriate meat for dinner and Matt Ryan is not a good dinner guest.
So why exactly have our fine feathered friends ended up in this pitiful state?
For the longest time, Eddie had a stranglehold on the Pub Dogs division. Now, thanks to bitter cold in Foxboro (and a butt muff), Peyton had to hand the ball off much more than he would've liked. He didn't even hit half of his projected total. Jamaal Charles did work, but it wasn't enough to pick up the slack of a sub par Peyton and a whole lotta nuttin' from the Oakland defense (Oakland has defense?). Nobody on Zach's side of the ledger put up huge numbers, but then again nobody had a zero either. Carolina Cam earned his invitation to the Michael Vick's Mexican Thanksgiving Feast along with the rest of Zach's troops, pulling him into a tie with Eddie and Gaz at 7-5. Zach is in premier position in terms of tiebrekers as he now earns a season sweep over Eddie plus a 2-game advantage in division record. The regular season finale with Gaz looms large.
Speaking of Gaz, he had a golden opportunity to take advantage of a depleted Unknown Quantity that going into Sunday had no plans for a parade. Hakeem Nicks was questionable...and the answer was that he was out. The normally solid Monsters of the Midway had an even worse day than the Raiders (-6). Nobody on Sean's squad found the end zone except Emmanuel Sanders, yet some how, some way, the Devils from Dubai ended up with the 72-70 win in what has to be the futility bowl to define the generation. Outside of Stafford's 3 TD passes, nobody from Gaz's squad hit paydirt either with just a putrid performance all around. At the end of the match, Gaz called a team meeting and while nobody knows exactly what was said, the walls of the locker room thumped with the sound of his voice...and random things were flying out the window.
It was not all bad in the Pub Dogs division. Jeff took command of his matchup with the Redskins...er...Patrick and charged to the top score in the week at 155 thanks in large part to a lot of luck. No no, he wasn't lucky that he won. He was playing the Redskins for crying out loud. A win was a foregone conclusion. He needed that luck to get the top score for the week. A 40-burger from Josh Gordon (who?) led the way with additional 20+ point performances from Peterson, Graham, and Wright.
...by the way...Green Bay and Minnesota tied. (Quiet snickering)
Meanwhile, RGIII and Morris's fantasy value has officially hit rock bottom as the two combined for a grand total of 6 points. The infighting in the Redskins locker room has carried over to the Kinda Runny squad as Tony Gonzalez was observed rabbit punching Roddy White...
The Greene Turtles Division looked to be Kent's for the taking. Deadline deals with JP and the commish gave him a veritable "Dream Team." Well, for at least this week, the Dream was a nightmare. That or Vince Young signed a contract with Shadynasty without anyone knowing about it. All of a sudden, Andy, essentially left for dead at 5-5, has won two in a row, earned the split with Kent, and now takes the lead in the division thanks to a 6-2 division record. Deadline acquisitions Brees, Bush, and Decker were not awful (OK maybe Decker was), but neither were spectacular as Kent's archnemesis Tom Brady did a lot better than break his leg as Kent had hoped. 28 from Brady along with 27 form Lacy and 23 from Baltimore D has paced Andy to the division lead with matchups against league doormats Caputo's Corner and Bo Knows Techmo still to go.
Speaking of those doormats, Caputo's Corner looked to be in this week's futility bowl with Dewey, having already defeated Dewey earlier in the year. Apparently this was not the only loss Dewey took this week as his fantasy world is crumbling all around him. Caputo's Corner may have earned his 4th win, but that first pick remains within sight thanks to Sean's win. This despite making the wrong play at Denver tight end, going with Dreesen instead of Tamme to back up Orange Julius. However, Moreno was the beneficiary of the lack of passing hiking for over 2-hundy, a touch, and a busted ankle. Boldin dropped the hammer on Monday night to seal Dewey's fate.
Finally this week, JP had a chance to perhaps make his last two weeks worthwhile with a win over Tom, but it simply was not meant to be. Tom didn't crack 100, but his season is far from over with 2 weeks to go as he took advantage of fortuitous scheduling. Mike Wallace took a break from 60 minutes to be the only player in the matchup to crack 20 points. JP's win at the League Meeting is now a fleeting memory as his entire squad (save from Gronk) missed their projected totals and by large margins at that. JP is firmly entrenched in the first pick sweepstakes with Caputo's Corner.
The penultimate week of the MIISFFL Regular Season begins on Thanksgiving. Why shop when you can enjoy:
Jeff-Eddie (First place in the division on the line potentially)
Zach-Sean (Zach's tiebreaker lead could potentially become a stranglehold)
Gaz-Patrick (Can Gaz keep pace against the Redskins)
Andy-JP (Can the surprise Greene Turtles leader prove it's no fluke?)
Nick-Kent (Can the commish play the ultimate spoiler?)
Dewey-Tom (Dewey's playing out the string, Tom needs a lot of help)
Lots still to be decided on both ends of the MIISFFL spectrum. Happy Thanksgiving from all of us at the Mashup and may the odds be ever in your favor.
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