As we inch closer to the annual League Meeting on November 17th, our MIISFFL doctors once worry if we will be able to field a team on that date as big name superstars continue to find their ways to the infirmary instead of the football field. Add Aaron Rodgers name to that list who is now out for at least 3 weeks (and probably longer) with a busted collarbone. The injury bug has even extended to the MIISFFL managers themselves!
Caputo's Corner-Severely bruised ego following draft disasteritis
Kinda Runny-Clammy hands due to let-my-repeat-slipawayitis
Giovanni Versace-3rd degree burns following too much lighter fluid at his keeper fire sale
Unknown Quantity-Abdominal contusion after huge punch to the gut after Rodgers injury
Shadynasty Now-ADHD and dyslexia due to repeated claims of possibly being able to win
Bomb.com/yourmom-Severe intoxication following draft of Adrian Peterson and mediocre results
Never Nudes-Frostbite. Do I really need to explain why?
XFL-Multiple broken bones, torn ligaments and tendons due to reenactment of the Xtreme Football League
ChipUpDog-Fleas, ticks, and heartworm. I think we all know why
Mexicos's Vick in a Box-Same as ChipUpDog, and I think we all know why still.
Bo Knows Techmo-Conjunctivitis, severe myopia, and other opthamological problems due to excess Magic Card usage
Soup's On-Hypertension due to 3rd string quarterbacks giving receivers big days, and too much salt in his soup.
Dr. James Andrews was unavailable to be our league doctor this year, so we were able to get Dr. Ames Jandrews to be our league doctor. Here is his diagnosis:
You all suck! Your injuries are untreatable, diseases incurable, and this pathetic excuse for a fantasy football league deserves to be buried at the bottom of Page 6!
Thank you, Dr. Jandrews, your pink slip is waiting for you at the door. I can safely say that the best way to cure all of these ailments is to get your lazy rearends up to the Greene Turtle on Nov. 17th for the LEAGUE MEETING!! I can promise that there will be pigskins in the air that will cure whatever it is that ails you!
Now down to business.
In our past-two-champions bowl, the defending champion's case of let-my-championship-slipawayitis had another flare up this weekend as Zach took advantage of the ailing Patrick. Perhaps this is a symptom of having too many Washington Redskins on your roster, as Patrick certainly put his faith in the burgundy and gold this weekend: already having RGIII and Morris and also giving Jordan Reed the start. All 3 are studs, and Morris did find the end zone, but Reed was left out of the game plan and RGIII of course had to finish with 291 passing, just missing the bonus. On the other hand Zac Stacy did Zach Johnson proud on Monday hanging 35 on DA Bears, and getting complementary scores from Ridley, Witten, and Keenan Allen. Don't look now, but the champ from 2011 is back above .500 and only 1 game out of first.
Speaking of past champions, Kent's title hopes took a (very unsurprising) hit this week as he was upset by the lowly JP Magic Jacksons, who score the upset after 3 consecutive weeks of failing to crack 90 points. It helped in no small part that CJ2YPC finally...and I mean FINALLY decided to show up this season, cracking 100 yards for the first time and putting up a huge 30-burger. 26 from Gronk and 16 from Nick Folk paid dividend as well. Kent countered with 36 from TY Hilton and 26 from Luck, but Kent's no-shows were a lot worse than JP's no shows, thanks to a noticeable 0.6 from Jeremy Kerley before exiting stage left in the Jets-Saints matchup. JP climbs all the way up to 10th place with the win and Kent remains tied for first in the Greene Turtles at 5-4
Oye vey, poor Caputo's Corner. Yeah, poor me I know. The running back position has not been kind to your humble correspondent as this week serves as yet another reminder that draft strategy means everything. I did get double digits form 4 positions, but after a 12 point performance last week, Daniel Thomas had to settle for 4.7 and Jonathan Stewart's return from injury provided no boost. Gaz took advantage with 20 from AJ Green, 16 from Doug Baldwin, 18 from BeastMode and despite a -3 from Indy Defense and only 4 from Jake Locker, was able to drop the hammer on Monday night with 28 from Matt Forte, turning what was shaping up to be this week's futility bowl into a fairly comfortable win for the Nudes.
The Mom Bomb was back in top form this week, despite Darren Sproles getting concussed, as he took advantage of an Extreme Team too busy breaking bones in Vegas. YOUR Oak-land Rai-duhhhs...ouch! -9 sets the futility standard for defense this season as what looked like a fairly shrewd matchup play against Nick Foles turns into a fantasy dream for the Philly backup. More on him later. Even if Tom got 0 from Oakland, it wouldn't have been close as many of his stalwarts were on the trainers table and not on the field. V-Jax and Run DMC with 2 apiece and Heath Miller with just 6. Jeff puts up a solid day with 30 from Graham, 22 from Romo, and 27 from AP as he keeps pace in the Pub Dogs.
Did I mention Nick Foles? He ties an NFL record with 7 TD passes, and Foles sets the season high for points by any player with .36 short of a 60 BURGER! The victim this week was Andy who had ho-hum days from most of his squad, led by 22 from Rivers and 23 from Lacy, but what got into Nick Foles? Perhaps the fire from that firesale lit a fire under the Versace Squad's collective ass as he posts his season high for points...but comes up just 0.2 short of the weekly pot! Zach's 168.5 just ekes out Dewey's 168.3 for the prize. Dewey vaults all the way to 8th at 4-5 and Andy is left to pick up the pieces, and the ticks.
Finally, Eddie's blood pressure might be returning to normal following what was looking like a beatdown at the hands of Sean into a beatdown in the other direction as Aaron Rodger's collarbone deals a huge blow to Sean's hopes now at 3-6. This was despite a nice round 50 from Andre Johnson (welcome back Andre Johnson!) that left Sean in prime position to score the upset going into Monday night...only to watch Rodgers get hurt and DA Bears run roughshod all over the Packer D, taking what was a sure victory into something else. Eddie celebrates a shallow win, but 136 overall is not a bad total in his own right thanks to double digit scoring from every position except defense and the kicker. Eddie remains in first place all by his lonesome at 6-3 and staring down at the carnage beneath him.
Next week, we all go interdivisional for the last time this season. It's Week 10!
Patrick-Andy
Zach-Dewey
Kent-Sean
Nick-Jeff
Tom-Eddie
JP-Gaz
Enjoy this opportunity to beat up on the opposite species as starting with the League Meeting in week 11, all matchups from here on in are within your division.
Peace out!
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