Kind of a strange title for a post isn't it?
Yes, I am here to advocate for the importance of failure. No no, I'm not on some depressive kick, really this is more of a motivational speech (I SEE NOTHING BUT UNTAPPED POTENTIAL!). Why on Earth would I be advocating failure? Don't we all want to succeed? Of course we do.
But before I go on, let me ask you all a question. What is the BIGGEST motivation we have to WIN? Honestly, what is it? I would bet you heavens to hangnails that our biggest motivation to win is when we LOSE. Let me explain.
Losing sucks. It feels awful. It's not supposed to feel good. Trust me, I have lost quite a bit in my lifetime, from basketball games, to board games, to thumb wrestling matches. Even back when I was a little kid my mother would beat me at silly little board games like Scrabble and Monopoly (see Part 2 of my 3 Pillars of the American Dream Series). I HATED losing, even back then. Does anybody you know actually like losing? I can't think of anybody. The question then becomes what do you do with that defeat? Do you just sit on your hands and accept failure? No way! You want to get that awful taste out of your mouth. So you work harder. You make changes. You learn more and more of the little nuances of the games that you play. You learn about your competition, their strengths and weaknesses, and you figure out how to play to your strengths, and exploit their weaknesses. Sometimes that means having to take one on the chin more often than you would like. But with each successive loss, you learn just a little bit more, and get just a little bit closer.
Take for example the Chicago Bulls, circa 1990. Michael Jordan has been in the league for a few years, has made quite a name for himself, won a couple dunk contests, and set all kinds of scoring records. However, the Bulls would always play second fiddle to the Celtics and the Pistons throughout the entire 1980s. In 1990, the Pistons and the Bad Boys defeated the Bulls in 7 games in the Eastern Conference Finals. Losing a series like that, in a game like that, even for a superstar like Jordan, feels like a kidney punch. However, leading up to that point, the Bulls had gradually progressed. They went from playoff outcasts, to just barely making it, to winning a little bit, to getting to the precipice. Shots like this one (@ 5:30, sorry Craig Ehlo) went a long way to establishing Jordan as the greatest player of all time, but it wasn't until his Bulls teams started winning three-peats that he really solidified that title. Yet, before the three-peats came the playoff disappointments, the crushing defeats, the ones that linger for a very long time. However, nobody remembers those Bulls teams for the playoff losses. They are remembered for winning 6 championships in 8 years, and it could very well have gone 8 for 8 if MJ had not decided to dabble in baseball.
Too often today we try to protect young people from failure. We want kids to be happy. While I am all for being happy, sometimes happy and reality end up at a crossroads. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a little happy for some reality, and while it might not feel good in the short term, down the road the payoff will be exponential. In my industry (education), I have noticed in recent years a shift in thinking in this area. Everyone is so afraid of kids feeling bad, downtrodden, upset, that administrators (and unfortunately now more politicians) have decided to take it upon themselves to put a positive spin on just about every aspect of it. Below average sounds bad, so now we call it "basic" or "emerging" (whatever that means). Certain school systems are even going so far as to change letter grades from A B C D F to "AP, DP, N" or something strange like that. We are so afraid of hurting people's feelings, that sometimes they do not hear what they really need to hear. I'm not saying teachers and principals need to read kids the riot act every time they mess up, not at all. However, if a kid is failing a subject, call it what it is, an F! If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck...you get the idea.
Why is this so important? Why can't we make everything 100% happy for kids? The answer is pretty simple. The real world is a competitive place. Again I reference (and shamelessly plug) my 3 Pillars of the American Dream series, and part 2 in particular. Jobs are extremely hard to come by for young people, for a variety of reasons. As a result, the jobs that ARE available have hiring processes that are extremely competitive. There are going to be winners...and losers. If a child is coddled all throughout their formal education, given nothing but 'attaboys, random awards, and various other participation plaudits, reality is going to hit like a wrecking ball when they apply for a job that they want, and they get the old "thanks but no thanks" treatment. That's a loss. That's failure. Will the person know what to do with themselves when that happens? It's not just jobs either. Scholarships are EXTREMELY competitive, especially with the ever-rising cost of college tuition. Athletic scholarships are often the only way many kids can even have access to college (unionization???). And they are competitive. Not everyone who has ever picked up a ball, stick, or bat can get one. There are going to be winners, and there are going to be losers. I would hazard a guess that the kids who experienced failure earlier in their lives, combined with proper coaching, mentoring, and guidance to help teach them how to improve themselves, are more likely to win those awards. They have experienced what it is like to lose, and they don't want to experience it again, especially when the stakes are so much higher.
On the other hand, consider an individual who was always allowed to win, either by design or otherwise. If they are ALWAYS allowed to get whatever they want, whenever they want, to whatever degree they want, by the time they start to apply for high stakes competitive awards such as scholarships (and jobs), they might think all they have to do is put their name on the paper and they got it. That just isn't the way the world works. They do not have the edge over the person who has been in those situations before, and come out on the other side of the ledger.
Now am I completely doing away with the concept of positivity? Not in the slightest. When people do things right, they need to have that reinforced in a positive way, no matter how young or old. That is just as important as making sure people are aware they are not doing things right. My school advocates the PBIS program for positive reinforcement of good behavior. At first, I was a skeptic, and a rather vocal one at that, but having implemented the program for a couple years I am definitely on board, and very much can see the benefits. I even serve on the school's PBIS leadership committee. Positivity is important! However, we cannot turn a blind eye to when people, especially young ones, stray in the other direction. Perhaps the toughest lessons they learn, the ones that sometimes feel like they hurt the most, are the lessons that lead them to the biggest fulfillment they will ever have in their life.
Just ask Michael Jordan.
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