-A recipe for humble pie
-8.62 ways to defeat the commissioner
-One streak humbly continues as another mercifully ends
Eddie has decided to go all Emeril Lagasse on us and teach us how to make his own recipe for Humble Pie.
But don't think that we're going to get a BAM out of him...oh no. That might not be very nice .
Anyway, here is the recipe for Humble Pie.
1 can Campbell's Chunky Chicken Noodle
1 cup Aw Shucks
2 tablespoons Dumb Luck
2 1/4 cups of Not Deserving It
2 gallons of Abject Defeatism
A dash of Philip Rivers (you know...to taste)
1 stick of butter
3 eggs (with yolks)
1 cup of heavy cream (as high in fat as possible)
Beat it all together in a large bowl into a discombobulated mess and bake it at 350 for an hour. Top it with the fattiest whipped cream you can find because, you know, you want to be as guilty as possible, like Eddie!
Some people prefer trash talk in a fantasy league. Eddie has most definitely preferred taking the high road, and while it certainly plays on other members' nerves, it has served him well now to the tune of a 9-0 record, and an MIISFFL best 14 game winning streak, that seemingly will never end, no matter what challenges he may face next. Every week Eddie has proudly (or sadly) proclaimed that this would be THE WEEK, that he would finally lose. However, as if using the powers of some old Jedi mind trick, bending the Force in ways Darth Vader could only dream, he somehow takes other teams strengths and turns them into weaknesses. Take Philip Rivers for example.
Now that Eddie is 9-0, I think everyone will be trying that Humble Pie recipe this week.
Elsewhere, Sean is looking for more ways to incorporate the number 8.62 in his life. Eddie's challenger/victim in the championship game last year is still reveling in his 8.62 point victory over Kent in the semifinal round. While he has not been able to duplicate that 8.62 point margin yet this year, he still has found 8.62 to be a very handy number.
So as you can see, Sean might have let 8.62 get to his head...literally. As we will see, Sean was able to successfully channel his inner 8.62 this week in his matchup against the commissioner.
We start of course with the man who will never lose no matter how hard he mentally tries. Every week, Eddie gets some kind of break to keep his streak alive, and he is always the first one to remind us that his wins are merely pure dumb luck. This week, Chris was projected for 114 points, and 18 from Philip Rivers alone. Needless to say, Chris's team this week fell way short of projections...and I mean WAY short. Rivers was flirting with the MIISFFL record for futility for most of his matchup with Miami, ultimately posting -9.18, just 2 and a half points shy of the all time record of -11.66 held by Jay Cutler. However, Cutler's mark of futility was set in an era when sacks counted 2 points against the QB's score, and not just 1. Eddie I'm sure will remind you that his team did not set any scoring records either, but once again Peyton and Antonio Brown led the way with 52 points combined between the two. The rest of Eddie's squad was once again uninspiring, but at least they didn't go negative. Eddie now improves to 9-0, 14 in a row overall spanning last season, and has a magic number of 3 to clinch the NFC outright.
CUE THE MUSIC!
I guess this is one streak that had to end eventually. While everyone is discussing Eddie's pursuit of perfection rivaling the 1972 Dolphins, JP was flirting with history of a different sort, challenging the 1976 Buccaneers and 2008 Lions for football imperfection. No team in the history of MIISFFL has started 0-8. JP was looking to avoid going 0-9. This week, Gaz stood in his way, or rather, JP stood in the way of Gaz from staying within striking distance in the wild card race (as we've seen, the NFC title is all but sewn up for Eddie). Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, JP got scoring comparable to their draft positions from guys like McCoy, Torrey Smith, and Eric Decker. However, the big shot in the arm was from the Miami Defense, posting 38 points in having their way with Philip Rivers (who by the way still has not defeated the University of Maryland). This was in spite of a bagel from Tim Wright, who did not see a target. Gaz also had a bagel from Eddie Royal to go along with the OTHER defense in the Miami-San Diego game, which posted a -5. Put it all together, and JP nearly doubles up Gaz in getting his first win of the season!
Commish can't catch a break. For the second week in a row the commish runs into the freight train of the high score of the week. Sean does the honors this time thanks to 4 different players putting up 20 point performances: Brady, D. Jackson (he started him?), Beckham, and Ellington. His final total of 165.66 is only 157.04 points more than the 8.62 he was really looking for, but Sean will definitely take the blowout in a game the commish HAD to win if he had any prayer of being relevant in the wild card. As it stands, the competitive portion of his season is just about over as he is 3 games back with only 5 to play. Sean is the only team left who is mathematically capable of catching Eddie, which COULD set up for a rematch of last year's championship game...emphasis on could. Sean would love Eddie to maybe talk a little trash, but it's just not happening.
Elsewhere, Kent had a chance to take advantage of Chris's San Diego misfortune by taking care of the Washington Redskins. Things were looking good until Monday night happened and Andrew Luck remembered that he actually played for the Indianapolis Colts, and not the Redskins. With that said, he lay waste to the Giants secondary, coming within a half point of a 40-burger. Kent countered with Andre Williams, who did find the end zone, but Luck was more than capable of covering the 27 point deficit. The 'Skins behind Morris and Reed (all of 1 catch though) clip Kent by the thinnest of margins: 0.74 points! Have to watch out for stat corrections in this one, but if the score does hold, Kent remains tied with Chris in the AFC and Patrick does in fact keep pace in the wild card, just a game behind.
Jeff could not duplicate his top score performance from a week prior. Too bad he can't play the commissioner every week. Zach didn't exactly light the scoreboard up himself, but he did a sold for his team's namesake (Vick in a Box) thanks to almost 46 points combined from Carson Palmer and Gronk. Jeff on the other hand had 4 guys fail to pass 5 points total, in a complete reversal from last week as neither side was able to hit triple digits. Zach welcomed back AJ Green to the fold, who found the end zone as he wins by the hairs of his chinny chin chin 97-94. Zach remains in striking distance of the wild card at 5-4 while Jeff now at 4-5 has a little more ground to cover.
Finally this week, Tom had a puncher's chance to keep pace with the wild card leaders while Dewey was just looking to be relevant (and more importantly, well ahead of JP as we approach the League Meeting). Tom's new found strategy of taking a page out of Eddie's humble pie playbook so far has not paid dividends as he now sits at 3-6, along with Dewey and the commish, well on the outside looking in as division titles are pipe dreams, and wild cards are becoming more of a distant memory. 32 and 22 from Maclin and Harvin were more than enough to overcome a 0 from Charles Sims and a 0.8 from Sefarian-Jenkins.
The League Meeting is 2 weeks away! However, next week, the Redskins are on bye...that's good news for someone!
Eddie-Kent (Fitting that the loudest mouth of them all could end Eddie's humble streak?)
Nick-Zach (Commish trying to save face)
JP-Tom (JP goes for 2 in a row...really?)
Dewey-Chris (Chris trying to stay ahead in the AFC)
Sean-Jeff (8.62 was to blow up your Mom Bomb)
Patrick-Gaz (Gaz takes advantage of the Redskins' off week)
LEAGUE MEETING AND TRADE DEADLINE ARE THE WEEK AFTER NEXT!!!!!!!
Cya.
That's not an egg roll, it's In-N-Out Burger
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