I remember the last time I was in this position I had to write up a blog lampooning my semifinal defeat in 2010. At least this time around I was not heavily favored against Kent, so there's that. And the Redskins swept Philadelphia so regardless of what happens in the next two weeks, it's been a good season.
Anyway, welcome back to the blog for this semifinal recap edition. While I attempted to hype up these matches with hyperbole on social media, the action on Monday night certainly left a resounding thud. I didn't realize this is what happens when your arch rival gives you a gift in the ability to control your own destiny: you lay an egg on national TV against a team you are (supposedly) better than. Now I know, I can start my own psychic hotline now, or be one of those telephone sports-betting pick 'em guys, but that won't help what happened last night. Anyway, while I may be lamenting what happened on both the fantasy and real gridiron, we still have a job to do here at the mashup, and do it we shall!
Let's start with our MIISFFL Fantasy MVP nominees (in alphabetical order):
Drew Brees-341 fantasy points (New Orleans Saints)
Ezekiel Elliott-300 fantasy points (Dallas Cowboys)
David Johnson-338 fantasy points (Arizona Cardinals)
Julio Jones-207 fantasy points (Atlanta Falcons)
Aaron Rodgers-339 fantasy points (Green Bay Packers)
Agree or disagree with these names? Anybody we should add to the list?
Semifinal #1: Dewey defeats Nick 106-97
Dewey has an opportunity to become the 8th different winner of Menace II Sobriety in its 8 years of existence in only his first ever playoff run. Things did not look good for Dewey in the early going as this match got started on Thursday night (hopefully we won't be saying this in 2017, but that's another topic for another day). Doug Baldwin, wearing vomit-inducing lime green uniforms, opened the scoring with a short touchdown catch to make his projection. This was followed up on Saturday night as Bilal Powell, who rode the commissioner's bench for most of the season, was promoted to the starting lineup after Matt Forte went down with an injury. He responded with over 100 yards from scrimmage and 11 pass receptions to crack 20 points. This put the commissioner at a 33 point head start going into Sunday's tilt with some heavy-hitters still to come on both sides. Sunday started at Grotto's in what will most likely be the final game-watch session of the year since Christmas and New Years Day are both on a Sunday this year. In the 1PM block, Dewey started to mount the comeback as Jordy Nelson started to snag some ice-balls in the frozen tundra of....Soldier Field? The Luck-to-Hilton connection which was critical to the commissioner's success got started in the dome in Minnesota. The Colts won 34-6. Great new for the commish right? Well, that game got out of hand so fast the Colts pulled their starters in the 4th quarter with Luck sitting at 22 points and Hilton only managing 3 catches and 6 points, not exactly what the doctor ordered. Thanks, Minny. Meanwhile, the Bills defense didn't exactly light up RGIII and the Browns and it was looking grim until Nelson snagged a 50-yard bomb from Rodgers in the waning seconds in Chicago to go over 100 for the day and essentially add a touchdown to the Dewey's score. At 4PM, David Johnson got a slow start, but found the end zone twice for the commish, and Dewey's duet of Raiders couldn't get out of their own way, including Latavius Murray getting stuffed at the goal-line twice, giving Nick a seemingly strong 48 point lead going into the prime time affairs. Sunday night, Ezekiel Elliott certainly made a strong case at least for Fantasy Playoff MVP with 28 points, but the result was still in doubt after Jameis Winston threw 3 picks and lost a fumble. However, the result ended up being anti-climactic as the Redskins just plain stunk up the joint on Monday. Greg Olsen added 6 balls for 85 yards to make his projection and propel Dewey to the Menace Bowl.
Semifinal #2: Zach defeats Patrick 102-97
Zach's chances were looking grim going into Monday night as Patrick had both Kirk Cousins and Jordan Reed and only 14 points in his way to catch Zach and get to the Menace Bowl for the 3rd time. Patrick raced out to a 28 point lead before Sunday started thanks to the Dolphins defense having their way with the Jets, except for Bilal Powell. Then again, it's the Jets, big shocker right? That ended up being Patrick's high player score for the weekend...uh oh. Only Spencer Ware ended up making double digits as every other player for Patrick either met for failed to meet projections (except for defense and the kicker...keep the kickers!). On the other hand, Zach got 35 big ones from Brees who justified his inclusion in the list of MVP nominees after nearly putting up a goose-egg last week. Jordan Howard also did his best Walter Payton impression going for over 100 yards total and a touchdown to serve as a nice supporting role. However, 5 players for Zach scored at or below 7.4 points, including perennial fantasy powerhouses (and former MVP nominees) Antonio Brown and Emmanuel Sanders. Doug Martin could only muster 4 on Sunday night as the Bucs went pass-happy and that set up the (anti)climactic Monday night affair. Patrick has relied on Redskins all season, and decided to roll the dice and start Kirk Cousins ahead Aaron Rodgers. When Rodgers could only muster 8 points in Chicago, this seemed like it would be a smart maneuver. Rodgers was in Antarctica, and Cousins could light up a suspect defense. Combine him with Jordan Reed, claimed to be the best tight end this side of Rob Gronkowski, things were looking good...until they weren't. 2 turnovers and one ill-fated punch to the head later, Cousins only got 8 points of his own, Reed got an early dismissal, the Redskins blew a chance to control their own destiny, and Patrick's season came to an end. Kids, this is why we teach you to resolve conflicts using non-violent means. This is also why we teach you to never rely on Redskins to save your fantasy bacon. Let this be a lesson to you all.
In a related story, Zach has already proposed a trade to JP to move up to the #1 draft spot in 2017 so that he can guarantee a chance to redraft Cam Newton.
And thus this sets up...drumroll please........
MENACE BOWL VIII
Menace Bowl VIII
#1 Dewey Grim (Herban Cowboy) vs. #3 Zach Johnson (Mexico's VickinaBox)
Did not play each other this season
All-time results: Dewey leads 2-1
First ever playoff meeting
Dewey and Zach have not faced each other often, and this will actually be the first time they have met in 3 years (I'll have to do something about that when I do the schedule next year), but if their draft-day banter was any indication, this should be a fun game to watch from distance. Of course, most of this matchup will play out on Christmas Eve, so who knows what these guys will really be doing. They could be wrapping presents, or in Zach's case, he could be just lying in bed in his underwear with a glass of Cabernet Savignon. What a way to spend the holiday. Dewey is making his first crack at the title game in MIISFFL history, but he has a well-documented fantasy-history as the commissioner in the Dewey League, so he should know how to manage a lineup. Zach is back in the title game after winning it all in 2011 behind his best friend Cam Newton. This year, Cam is on somebody else's locked roster, so all he can hope for now is that Brees does what he did to Arizona in the semi's and Dewey doesn't wise up and start Matt Ryan or Tom Brady ahead of Jameis Winston. If Dewey does in fact start Brady, this will present an interesting conundrum for Zach as he is a well-known fan of the biggest cheaters in professional deflated footballs. Brady served his suspension at the beginning of the year, and he hasn't lost since. This could be setting up the classic real-team vs. fantasy-team scenario managers never want to face. It might not matter as Ezekiel Elliott may just run roughshod over everybody and make what happens at the quarterback position moot. If Zach is going to win, he is going to need more production from his wide receiver position than what he got in the semis. Time to get to work, coach!
Will Dewey keep the streak of new Menace Bowl winners alive? Will Zach be the first one to see his name on the trophy twice? It's still the most wonderful time of the year!
Trust me, I'll get over it.
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