I am happy to report that your fearless commissioner has successfully completed the first 3 credits of his latest quest toward world commissioner domination! This is usually where somebody would chime in and say don't quit your day job. If by day job you mean fantasy football, then I would say sure why not! My point total may not leave much to be desired these days, but I'm all about the 'dubs man.
Speaking of 'dubs, the NBA season kicks off tonight with the 'Dubs, who famously gave the president some snubs when Steph Curry hesitated on whether or not he would accept an invitation to the White House. A man in an orange toupee took the guesswork out of it for him when he snapped back and said NO SOUP FOR YOU! INVITATION WITHDRAWN! SAD! The Champion of MIISFFL is always invited to the White House, and this year Dewey as our past champ balked at the proposition of going to visit a man in an orange toupee. According to wire reports, upon receiving the invitation, Dewey convulsed and shivered, and his resting heart rate doubled as palpable fear spread throughout his body, like he was on the verge of coming face to face with the worst type of death imaginable! MAKE IT STOP! He shouted. He then proceeded to run to the bathroom.....
...and Fatties Figure it was the best diet he ever went on!
How did the champ do? In the wake of his near-Trump experience, Dewey may very well have spent too much time in the bathroom as he wasted a golden opportunity to get himself back to .500 over Chris who has been flopping and floundering all season. Instead it is Dewey who might want to add meds to his regiment as Chris lay the smack down 134-93. It was finally a strong showing from Chris who scored double-digits from all but 2 of his players. None other than Mark Ingram led the way with 28.5 and the Houston defense tacked on 29 in a strong showing after bouncing around a few teams in the early part of the season. Dewey's squad caught the injury bug. Jameis was pulled from his game early, and Golden Tate will miss a few weeks with a shoulder. Even Leonard Fournette hurt his ankle, but at least he is expected to suit up next week. At this rate, Dewey will have no reason to worry about a return trip to that house of horrors at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.
Game of the Week: Look at pesky little Bruce knocking off the other half of the Fatties Figure not to be champions. Kent had a chance with old stand-by DeMarco Murray needing 23 points from him on Monday night to drop the hammer and complete the comeback. While DeMarco is a far cry from his Cowboy heyday, he had a decent showing, but not quite good enough as Bruce survives for a 129-123 win. Like Chris, Bruce's top score happened to come from the defense as the Rams finally did to Jacksonville what most teams are supposed to do to Jacksonville. They got some help from Carson Wentz. Carson Wentz? Yep. Carson Wentz. Can he keep it up for the rest of the season though?Kent did not avoid the injury bug either as Manny Sanders was diagnosed with a high-ankle sprain. Kent falls to 2-4 despite his best point output of the season.
Blowout of the Week: Chris seemed to have the top score locked up like Bill in Hillary's testicle lockbox, but Zach took what was rightfully his on Monday night behind Rishard Matthew's 8 points to steal the top score of the week, defeating Nate 134-118. He had some help though with 78 points combined from Deshaun Watson, Melvin Gordon, and Jordan Howard. Zach is the final undefeated team in MIISFFL as his anger streak from losing the Menace Bowl has carried over into 2017. He was looking like he'd have some company at the top but both Nate and Jeff have now lost 2 in a row to come back to pack, and Zach now has the inside track to the AFC title and controls his own destiny to clinch a playoff spot. Nate still had a very good showing with 118 points, but his schedule doesn't get any easier next week with a date with Jeff looming.
Futility Bowl: Aaron Rodgers walked into a Barr...I'm guessing you know how this joke ends. Sure Patrick won 106-84, but I don't think he will be laughing at all the Aaron Rodgers Barr jokes that will surely arise this week. Patrick might not even be all that worried. While we all mocked his draft strategy in picking two quarterbacks early, now he looks like a genius. How many fantasy players can say they had their ace QB wrecked early in a game, only to say that he's got ace QB 1-B Drew Brees ready in relief? Now Brees hasn't been nearly as efficient as Rodgers, but Rodgers is done for the year! Brees isn't a bad insurance policy. Sean didn't take advantage though of this week's gift as he is only able to muster 84, with another top score going to the defense with Detroit's 21 points.
This week's other results:
Nick (3-3) defeats Jeff (4-2) 95-82
JP (4-2) defeats Tom (1-5) 97-80
Weekly Pot Winner: Zach-134.90 points
Next week in our MIISFFL Halloween Spooktacular, everyone takes the White House haunted mansion tour with all the best words and tiniest of hands. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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