"By the way, where's the recap, Nick?"--JP Chase, "Bo Knows Techmo" on Facebook. 11 September 2013.
Such a poignant statement from the MIISFFL veteran. Sometimes life just grabs you by the haunches and humps you into submission. OK, so maybe Patches O'Hoolihan isn't the best source for sayings that are classy or inspirational, but that just isn't our style...with all due respect to Shane Falco.
FOOTBALL IS BACK! That's all that matters right now. Both the real thing and the fake side. For the last 3 years here at the Mashup (3 YEARS??!??!) we've been giving you the quality fantasy football recaps you have come to expect. 2013 is going to be our best year yet!
First and foremost, the Mashup apologizes for the blackout period at the end of last season. Let's just say that the blogging atmosphere just was not selling out. Nevertheless, overdue congratulations are in store for the 2012 champion Patrick Small (Kinda Runny)! He defeated a juggernaut Gaz team (Never the Nuder) in the championship game and enters 2013 loaded for bear, hanging onto the likes of RGIII and Alfred Morris. You might as well call them the Washington Redskins.
Hail Victory!
This season saw one departure from our 2012 lineup. The Mashup bids adieu to Patrick Deegan, much to the delight of our humble commissioner...not that I'm happy to see Patrick go. Quite the opposite, Patrick was a delightful addition to the league, but at least now I don't have to waste precious keystrokes typing out the Patricks' last names in the Mashup! OK, so that's admittedly pretty lame, but in any event we wish Patrick well and have him know that he is always welcome in MIIS-land. In his place we welcome the pride of JMU Eddie Campbell! Who takes the highly original name Soups On.
Once again, to preserve the best competitive balance and enhance the fiercest of rivalries, our divisional alignments have been realigned for 2013. The Pub Dogs division represents the Commonwealth of Virginia with newcomer Eddie joining last year's runner up Gaz, Sean (who took the left at Albuquerque and ended up in Dubai), Zach (by way of Mexico), Jeff (by way of Disneyworld...more on that later), and our defending champ Patrick (I could say Small, but I don't have to!). The Greene Turtles is the battle of the Loyola 2001 grads Nick (ME!), JP (Techmo Super Bowl MVP), Kent (Shady and Nasty), Tom (Mean and Xtreme), Dewey (who will never be found crying in a corner), and Andy (Chip up my dog!).
And now what we've all been waiting for...our first round of match recaps!
The championship season from 2009 is just a distant memory for Caputo's Corner as he enters the 2013 campaign limping. The Sports Illustrated 2013 fantasy draft guide already in the paper shredder, he entered his first match against the 2012 champ Washington Redskins led by the incomparable RGIII. Nick had a 7 point lead going into the Monday Night affairs featuring the Redskins, and pretty much conceded defeat, but the Redskins were playing the Eagles. And the Redskins never beat the Eagles on Monday night. This week was no exception. Patrick...er...I mean Washington's sure victory was bulldozed by a blur the size of the state of Oregon. Fortunately for Skins, a few garbage TDs late in the 4th quarter boosted their score enough so that the Houston defense could not close the gap in the nightcap (they all count in fantasy!). The real Redskins got humiliated. The Kinda Runny Redskins survived for a 9 point win in this interdivisional matchup.
Eddie received his MIISFFL baptism on Thursday night thanks to Peyton Manning tying an NFL record with 7 touchdown passes. 60 fantasy points later, Gaz was wondering if he should even field a team. Fortunately for him, he did decide to field a team because team Nudist more than compensated for Perfect Peyton's Point Production. 35 from AJ Green (who Eddie had a chance to keep...just saying), 34 from Cruz (and a couple more lame salsa dances), 29 from Jared Cook, and 24.5 from Stafford (without any contribution from Megatron I might add) not only shot Gaz past Peyton's total, but also earned him the first weekly high score award. Gaz's squad is Naked and Angry after last year's championship loss. I wouldn't want to be stranded on a deserted island with them.
JP submits his contribution to his match recap: "Richardson and CJ0K combined for less that 100 yards and 0 touchdowns." Alas this statement is all too accurate as JP's 1st and 2nd round draft strategy suffered an ugly and catastrophic backfire as the two "stud" RBs combined for a robust 15.7 points, a statistic all the more gut wrenching when you consider his competition (Tom's Xtreme Machine) had his RBs combine for just 10! 14 from Run DMC and a -4 from David Wilson (your eyes don't deceive you...that's a negative sign). Both teams stunk, but Tom's stunk less as he was able to crack the 100 point barrier...proving to be just enough to eek by JP who was stuck on 99.
While Dewey and Kent were not lambasting Yahoo (which admittedly has been quite worthy of lambasting lately), they were preparing for their titanic week 1 clash. Dewey sneakily picked up Colin Kaepernick last season when Alex Smith got concussed...and didn't even have to pay an FAAB for him. Nobody thought much of it at the time. Besides, once Smith cleaned out the cobwebs, he'd get his old job back, right? Right? RIGHT??!?! Oh...you mean Kaep...Super Bowl...read option? WHAT IS THIS?? Alex Smith is now in KC coached by Dewey and Kent's stunt double and Captain Colin is hanging 40-burgers on the Packers...with his arm no less. Dewey's WR positions were big scorers as well as Kent was wondering whether Megatron remembered how to get to Ford Field. Dewey cruised by 50.
In the surprise move of the draft, Sean shocked the football world by NOT taking Adrian Peterson and swiping Aaron Rodgers away from the field. This move was mocked heavily as AP was the consensus #1 player in fantasy. Everyone was wondering if it was the desert heat which was making Sean hallucinate. Nevertheless, for one week anyway, Sean looks like the genius as Rogers puts up 30 and celebrates a 10 point win over Andy. Andy went with the homer pick and Baltimore's vaunted defense...but did I mention that Peyton guy? Yeah, he's pretty good. You could've put the steel curtain out there he would shredded them to pieces. But fear not to Andy and all the Baltimore homers... you have Cleveland next week. Their defense is a good play. Brandon Weeden. Enough said.
So what did AP do, you ask? Not that much better than Rodgers actually. His first carry had all of his fantasy owners dreaming of 2,500 yards, 30 touchdowns, an MVP season, and Shiva. He jaunted 78 yards to the house. From that point on, dare I say, he was fairly pedestrian. He scored two more times and cracked 30 points, but only ended up with 93 total yards for the night. Jeff needed every last one of them though as he squeaked by Zach, sponsored by PETA and Michael Vick. Margin of victory: 0.3. It came down to the nightcap on Monday as Zach had Arian Foster and a 5 point deficit. Jeff had...a kicker. The kicker did what you expect, Foster didn't. At least just not enough. HOORAY FOR KICKERS!
That's a wrap on this week's version of the Mashup. As I mentioned, Jeff is representing Disneyworld this season. Part of my job as commissioner is to ensure that all league members are in good standing and of the utmost quality. Pursuant to this obligation, I will be doing an accreditation of Jeff's league membership by taking a working trip to Jeff's former employer in Lake Buena Vista, FL. I will be interviewing a certain Mouse, Mickey as to the quality of Jeff's former employment, and to ensure he was not using performance enhancing drugs at any point during his tenure there. It is my understanding they have a frozen urine sample ready for testing. Therefore, as I will be traveling on official league duties, there will be no Mashup next week. However, I will have a full report on Jeff's status as league member pending my interview with Mr. Mouse next week. Until then.
Oh yes...next week's matchups:
Kent-Nick (Former champs left in a daze)
Jeff-JP (Jeff's status probationary pending league investigation)
Patrick-Eddie (Newbie meets defending champ)
Tom-Zach (Vick in a box? Now that's Xtreme)
Zach-Gaz (Live from Dubai, it's MIISFFL!)
Dewey-Andy (Giovani 5 carries vs. Danny AmenDOHla)
Fin
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