Here is our report from last week's league investigation into the status of Mr. Newman featuring special guest commentator Mr. Mickey M.
Heyo! I remember that Jeff guy, kinda goofy...which reminds me, Goofy has been missing from the parades ever since Jeff left. Strange. Anyway, Jeff was a model employee for the Walt Disney Company. He always hid out in the utilidors checking his fantasy stats...then would bang his head against the wall as he lost. Poor guy, he did that a lot. Didn't really help the mood in the happiest place on Earth. Oh well, I hear Minnie is calling my name. Guess I better get back to work myself. Taking pictures with small children really takes it out of you. Good luck to everyone in the MIISFFL league. I got Brees and Boldin in my WDW league with Donald, Pluto, and Eisner...got 1,000 bones and a couple pieces of cheese riding on that one...and who wants Mickey Mouse to lose? C'mon man! Oh wait...was I supposed to say that? DAMN YOU, CAPUTO! Don't come back here again, unless you got more money, in which case come by any time you like....as for the rest of you................................
OK folks, we had to pull the plug on ol' Mick there, but we thank him for his contributions to this week's mashup, and I think it's safe to say that Jeff's status in MIISFFL has been...ahem...confirmed. I missed everyone on my little week off, but we should be on time and on point for the rest of this season.
If 0-1 is not a good start and 0-2 means you're on life support, 0-3 is practically a death sentence, and unfortunately that is the case for many of our real teams. The Redskins, Giants, Bucs, Steelers and Vikings are all in that 0-3 pit...so is Jacksonville but they don't count. Meanwhile, surprise! You're contingent at 3-0 includes DA BEARS (yo), DA Dolphins (weird), and DA.......Chiefs?????? Parity is the name of the game, as it is in the fake football world as well. Let's get to the recaps.
Fresh off surviving the league investigation, Jeff showed his resolve in another nail biter against Sean. In the matchup of first round picks that would've, could've, and should've been, Sean had his opportunity to stick it to Peterson and show the FFL world how much he was a genius by taking Rodgers. And in that one on one battle, Peterson emerged victorious 17.5 to 8. Ah, but hope was not lost for Sean as Jeff's excuse for a quarterback...that would be the other Manning set the fantasy world on fire to the tune of -4 and spent most of the day toying with Jay Cutler's record for fantasy futility of -11. Had the sack total not been reset to -1 instead of -2, he might just have hit it. Unfortunately for Sean, while Mickey was rooting for Brees, Jimmy Graham was catching all the touchdowns and Sean's squad could not capitalize on the QB misfortune and Jeff squeaks out a 92-90 win.
Well, well, well...look at the new guy. Eddie must be at the public library because he just invoked the Dewey Demolition System. Yikes. 155 points later, Eddie takes home his first weekly pot of the season and emphatically stakes his claim in the top tier of MIISFFL at 2-1. The Broncos are a machine and with Peyton at his helm, Eddie looks to be one as well. If it were not for a Gaz explosion in Week 1, Eddie might very well be 3-0. As for Dewey, he's already looking toward next year as he made an open invitation to league members for trading potential keepers. Too soon to be throwing in the towel? It's never too soon to overreact in MIISFFL. I would be overreacting too if my team included a 0 from my starting tight end, and a -1 from my starting quarterback.
In a battle of the last two champions of MIISFFL, Ron Mexico looked to exact a measure of revenge for last season's misfortunes against Patrick. Before the Giants-Panthers contest, Zach wasn't sure if he was going to be able to get rid of Carolina Cam with anything in return. By the end of the game, he was reliving his days as 2011 champ. The Panthers torched the Giants 38-zippo and Carolina Cam dominated that other stud read-option quarterback...RG3-quarters...33-10. Patrick is regretting putting his faith in a repeat on RG3's knee as nobody knows if it's healthy, not healthy, he's scared, Shanahan won't "let him loose," whatever. Patrick's success last season was based on his QB keeper. Unfortunately, that QB keeper was Peyton, and Eddie is saying thank you very much.
Apparently, Walt Disney World IS the most magical place on the Earth for Caputo's Corner as apparently all it took for him to get off the schneid was a little Mickey Mouse Magic. Despite the fact that his robust running back platoon stumbled and bumbled for 10.5 points combined, he still trailed JP by only 20 points going into the Monday night affair holding Eric Deckler and Julius Thomas (who might very well win FAAB pickup of the year thank you very much) in his back pocket. JP got a bunch of garbage points from Cecil Shorts to build the lead, but his RB tandem of CJ2K and T. Rich once again failed to put up RB1 and RB2 quality numbers, despite Richardson finding paydirt on his first carry as a Colt. Caputo's Corner has never started a season 0-3, and mercifully THAT streak will continue.
Another former champ, Mr. K, put a hurtin' on perennial championship contender Gaz. Gaz lapped the field in the first two weeks putting up over 300 points combined, but came crashing back to Earth in Week 3. His 3 big keeper plays (Cruz, Lynch, and Spiller) couldn't even combine for 15 points this week. Perhaps the realities of those players' real teams are finally catching up with them. Eli's always on his backside, Lynch is honestly in a timeshare with Russell Wilson, and Spiller is just on a plain bad team. Mr. K took advantage of Gaz's misfortune as his triple M's (Murray, McCoy, and Megatron) combined for over 75 points between them. Despite Tom's desperate attempts at imposing some black magic on Mr. K's efforts, Kent surges ahead to the top pack at 2-1.
Speaking of Tom, like Gaz, he had an opportunity to create some separation going into Week 3 at 2-0 facing cross-town rival Andy at 1-1. Like Gaz, Tom put up some good numbers in the first two weeks, including hanging 132 on Zach in Week 2. And like Gaz, Tom's squad ran out of magic in Week 3. Michael Vick can't play the Redskins every week, and Tom found that out firsthand as he put up yet another dud against the 3-0 Chiefs (WHAT???!!?). Run DMC had a touchdown pass, but that was about the only thing that went right for him. Meanwhile, Andy has now won 2 in a row, a low scoring snoozer against Dewey in Week 2 and now a 60 point pounding of Tom in Week 3. Double digits from all but two of his players helping in giving Andy the second-highest total of the week. Tom will look to exact vengeance as these two will meet again at the League Meeting in Week 11.
After 3 weeks of action, the field is all bunched up. Everyone is either 2-1 or 1-2 so expect a lot of shifting in the coming weeks starting with week 4. We get our first dose of byes as the fantasy matchups never take a week off:
Patrick-Sean (Will Sean's bad luck run out against the defending champ)
Jeff-Dewey (The Disney mom-bomb looks to blow up Dewey again)
Nick-Tom (Does Tom get right against the league's doormat?)
JP-Kent (Classic MIISFFL rivalry gets nasty)
Zach-Eddie (Ron Mexico runs into the Peyton Express)
Andy-Gaz (Does Gaz get right against red hot Andy)
The action, the mystery, the intrigue...we got it all here at MIISFFL! Till next Tuesday!
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