**This year the mashup returns! Albeit in a slightly more modified capacity. Won't promise recaps every week (and no it won't just be when I win, Kent...but I'll go undefeated so that's a moot point :-p) and they will be more abbreviated, but should be fun nonetheless.**
Ahoy me maties! Welcome back to another season of bonehead decisions in the Menace II Sobriety Fantasy Football League! Over the offseason we did nothing but complain about the state of the NFL. Let's face it, nobody likes Roger Goodell! Poor guy...er, rich guy...can't catch a break. But somehow, some way, we always find a way back to the fantasy gridiron. It's like one of those old Japanese Beetle traps. It looks so tantalizing, but it'll get you good in the end.
This year we bid adieu to Gaz who summoned up the courage to finally take the moral high ground and tell those buffet busters where they can shove it. Can't blame him, he never won anyway, and after a dead last finish in 2015, he figured his days as a human pinata were done. In his place we welcome Nate Sturm, who already has had enough of the full Kent experience, thanks to defending champ JP luring him in like one of those Pokemon who you can never seem to find.
What's that? JP is defending champ? Surely you jest. Indeed, if Donald Trump can win the nomination of a political party for the presidency, and his opponent can be a old lady with pneumonia and a cheating husband, JP can also win a fantasy championship, as he did in 2015. Maybe the world is coming to an end. Anyway, week 1 is already in the books, and let's just say that for some of us, we're happy it's still baseball season.
How did the champ do? JP welcomed Nate into the fold, and promptly got spanked just like the good old days. while 107-94 is hardly an ass-kicking, Nate properly thanked JP for his league invitation by taking out the champ. It would have been a true futility bowl nominee had it not been for a couple of Steelers taking advantage of a swiss cheese Redskins defense on Monday night. In fact, JP actually outscored Nate on Monday Night 34-30 thanks to DeAngelo Williams, despite Antonio Brown finding paydirt twice. It still wasn't enough though thanks to Danny Woodhead who was the only other player to crack 20 in this matchup. Red numbers from the Oakland D didn't help either for JP.
Game of the week Jeff and Chris were in a low-scoring affair, and it came down to whether or not Big Ben would get to 300 yards on Monday Night and trigger the 2 point passing yards bonus. Jeff had more 20 point performances across the board, but Chris had more double digit scorers, despite the fact he turned in a donut from Gary Barnidge. Great start there, Chris. Well the Steelers did what you're supposed to do to the Redskins and Big Ben got the 300 yards right on the nose to eek out a 2 point win, prompting Jeff to go on his annual tirade about how bonuses always seem to screw him over.
Blowout of the Week Everyone be very very afraid, the commissioner is back. After several years of wallowing in the weeds near the bottom of the league standings, the commish finally used some shrewd drafting techniques and key keepers (coughcoughDavidJohnsoncoughcough) to build what is looking like a behemoth of a fantasy team. Top scorer of the week Andrew Luck dropped a 40-burger on the Lions (43.5 to be exact), two more players topped 20 points, and Tom's golden aspiration cowered into a kitchen cabinet like Randy hiding from Daddy who's gonna kill Ralphie. The 5-year rebuild project is starting to bear fruit!
This week's Futility Bowl The Futility Bowl is always the weekly matchup that makes you wonder if the guys involved even know what football is, let alone fantasy. This week, while the champ and Nate made a strong case for it, the futility bowl goes to Patrick and Kent. Patrick scored 125 points, but also has already blown through over half of his FAAB budget for the year. $500 for that win, it was like someone was taking bets in Vegas. Now he made have had some Miss Cleo like clairvoyance when he dropped $257 on Spencer Ware, but $257 on Terrance West? Somebody better check those tarot cards for defects. As for Kent, well, let's just say his 94 points is going to be par for the course this year. Picked to finish dead last by both Prime Time Draft and Yahoo, Kent is doing whatever he can to make those prognostications correct.
This week's other results:
Dewey defeated Eddie 131-103
Zach defeated Sean 107-101
Weekly Pot winner: Nick (168 points)
See everyone next week!
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