It's debate season, and while the country worries about who will lie their way to the leader of the free world, most rational people know that the most important news lies within the realm of fantasy football. IT'S EXCITING STUFF! GET EXCITED! OKAY?
OK, enough screaming, there was too much of that last night. Or was there?
I GOT THE BEST TEAMS, NOBODY CAN BEAT MY TEAMS. YOU LIED!
NO SIR, YOUR TEAMS FINISHED IN DEAD LAST 4 TIMES, EACH TIME YOU DECLARED BANKRUPTCY!
SHOW ME YOUR BENCH! WHAT ARE YOU HIDING ON THERE?
YOU MAKE THE WORST TRADE DEALS! WORST IN HISTORY! ABSOLUTE WORST! I MAKE THE BEST DEALS (and look at my hair!)
Whoa, that's enough to make your head spin, or at least make you want to flip back and forth between that and Monday Night Football. Let's get to the match recaps
How did the champ do? JP gave it a good ol' college try this weekend, or at least Devonta Freeman did on Monday Night. Carson Palmer, well, he must really like Buffalo Wings. Freeman took advantage of a swiss cheese Saints defense that might very well be the worst defense assembled in the history of pro football. The commissioner entered the night up by 30 points and with Jacob Tamme as an insurance policy, and it came in quite handy as Freeman closed the 30 point gap all the way down to 2, scoring 31 points himself. Alas, it ended up being nothing but window dressing as JP continues his quest to complete the first worst-to-first-to-worst trifecta in league history, finding new ways to lose each week. I hear Palmer is already on the trading block. The commish survives by the hair on his chinny chin chin and at 2-1, and is still within a point of the overall scoring lead.
Game of the Week Tom showed up in the blowout of the week items each of the last two weeks, and was ready for a throw down with arch-nemesis (and league villain) Kent. Tom ended up with the high score of the week, and ended up needed each and every one of those points as Kent stayed close on his heels the entire weekend. Tom nearly had a couple 40-burgers. The KC Defense had their way with the j e t s (sorry, they're not worthy of capital letters these days), picking off Fitzpatrick 6 times (SIX!) and scoring 2 TDs of their own. Marvin Jones had over 200 yards and 2 scores as well. Kent has extolled the virtues of kickers and defense all season long and the Minnesota Purple People Eaters did their part with 8 sacks (EIGHT!), a safety, and a TD of their own. Mark Ingram and Brandon Cooks attempted to bring him all the way back, but Cooks was MIA all night, and Matt Bryant (yes a kicker) had just enough PATs to put Tom over the top, and into the scoring lead at 2-1.
Blowout of the Week Look who is the last remaining undefeated team in MIISFFL. Dewey, for so long known merely as the commissioner of "the other league," for the first time since joining the Real League has broken out to a 3-0 start, taking advantage of a Jeff Newman bomb squad that has been dud all season. Three 20-point performances from Matty Ice, Nelson, and Sims (how's that homer pickin' working for ya now?) paced Dewey to a respectable 122 points. Meanwhile, Jeff's squad couldn't get out of its own way (cue the Benny Hill music). Jarvis Landry was the lone bright spot as he scored Jeff's only touchdown of the week. At 0-3, it might be time to start thinking about your options.
The Futility Bowl Now this is an item Chris usually doesn't appear in until the playoffs, so this is really uncharted territory for the 3rd year ringer. Eddie (at least recently) has known the Futility Bowl all too well. As they always say though, if you're going to be in the Futility Bowl, you might as well win it, and win it Eddie did. Chris simply had all the wrong players in the right games. Ben the Rapist had less than a point. Ryan Matthews had negative 0.5, and nary a touchdown to be found. Gary Barnidge did score on a 2-point play so I guess there's that? Eddie squeaked out 100 points behind Carlos Hyde, but in classic Futility Bowl fashion, his starting quarterback went down with a knee injury. Eddie and Chris are now both 2-1 in what is shaping up to be a wide open AFC.
This week's other results:
Nate (2-1) defeated Sean (0-3) 126-107
Zach (2-1) defeated Patrick (2-1) 134-98
Weekly Pot Winner: Tom (150 points)
Shall we restore LAW AND ORDER next week? Check your lineups. BYE WEEKS are here!!!
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