This week an old intra-regional rivalry will be renewed as the Washington Redskins travel to Baltimore to take on the Ravens. Throughout America, nearby just about every major city there is another city, which is nothing more than a mosquito bite, itching just enough to remind you that it's there, but ultimately, it's nothing really consequential. New York has Newark. Philadelphia has Wilmington...
..and Washington has Baltimore.
Baltimore has been fighting an inferiority complex with the Nation's Capital throughout its entire existence. Washington was chartered in 1791. Not to be outdone, Baltimore founded itself in 1797. Let's take a look at the two cities comparison style.
Tourism
Washington-Monuments made of marble, the Smithsonian Institution, the White House and Capitol
Baltimore-The Inner Harbor. I would not recommend swimming in it.
Famous People
Washington-Presidents, Congress, the Supreme Court, Heads of State, decision makers
Baltimore-Dead Poets Society (even the National Anthem can't catch a break these days)
Transportation
Washington-The DC Metro, even with all of its foibles, spreading out throughout the region like a spider web. A 65-mile beltway.
Baltimore-One, count 'em, one Metro line, a light rail that you can freeload easier than Napster, and a mere 44-mile beltway
City Culture
Washington-Georgetown, U Street, Adams Morgan, Dupont Circle
Baltimore-North Avenue (let's not go THERE)
Professional Sports
Washington-In addition to the Redskins 5 total NFL titles, the city boasts 2 active MVPs in Bryce Harper and Alex Ovechkin. The Wizards are a thing too.
Baltimore-Is Cal Ripken still playing?
Jeff the football is in your endzone. What say you?
How did the champ do? This is getting boring actually. In fact, this match doubles as the Futility Bowl for this week. The competitive portion of JP's season is effectively over, losing to Eddie 103-91. We have well past the quarter pole and there are no signs of life from JP's squad. Picking 12th in the draft was foreign territory, and from the looks of it he sure had no idea what he was doing. Eddie was the beneficiary this week, and didn't exactly light the score book on fire with a whopping 103. Don't look now, but Eddie is taking a page out of his 2014 playbook, slowing racking up the wins in an unimpressive fashion, all the while eating slice after slice of humble pie. He rode that strategy all the way to the title game that year (only to suffer an ignominious end at the hands of Sean). As for JP, Devonta Freeman is for sale?
Game of the Week Tom took a step back after putting up blistering statistics in the last two weeks, falling to Zach 133-114. Tom might have had a better day if Isaiah Crowell didn't play for Cleveland. He was running the Redskins D ragged all day. So the Browns decide to take him out of the game on two separate occasions in the 2nd half, and what happens? Two fumbles later, Cleveland has the same record as JP (OK, so that second one may or not not have been actually recovered. Don't put it on the ground to begin with!). Cleveland doing Cleveland things. Zach took a bite out of Cam this week (who left with a concussion to boot) thanks to Michael Crabtree's 30 and 6 other double digit scorers to come within a point of his season high.
Blowout of the Week Hope you enjoyed that view from the top, Dewey, because it is a LOOOOOONG way down from there. The Buc may stop with Herban Cowboy, but they played like garbage, in what is the the most lopsided loss for an undefeated team in the history of MIISFFL. Patrick more than doubled up on Dewey by a count of 157-76. This is what happens when you place your faith in a homer team, and that homer team deserves to be relegated to the CFL. Ezekiel Elliot and the Buffalo D accounted for pretty much all of Dewey's scoring as his trio of Big Bucs (Winston, Sims, and Aguayo) tallied a staggering total of 6.5 points. Now, to be fair, there was no way he was gonna win this week regardless if the Bucs were competent. That's because The Redskins hired out Juilo Jones to be a ruthless mercenary this week. Juilo. Jones. Count 'em, 300 YARDS with a touchdown as a cherry on top. Julio now has the single high player score of the season, but that wasn't all as Jordan Reed found the end zone twice, and did I mention that Denver was playing the Bucs?
The Futility Bowl As mentioned before, JP and Eddie take the cake for the Futility Bowl this week, but making a strong case for second worst was Chris and Sean. Chris defeated Sean 107-100, making this the second week in a row Chris has fallen to this item, and the last two champions of MIISFFL are now a combined 0-8! Chris's motto this season has been live by the rapist, die by the rapist, as Roethlisberger was asking Toto if he was in Kansas City anymore after last week. KC Defense was THE play in week 3, not so much in week 4. Big Ben put up 43, but that accounted for pretty much all of the offense in this one. Derek Carr had a good game against Baltimore, but outside of the quarterback position (you listening, Kent?), the rest of the team was MIA. JP and Sean don't play each other until Week 8, so we could go a full 7 weeks with 2 winless teams. I wonder what the Futility Bowl will be that week........
This weeks other results:
Nick defeated Nate 116-105
Kent defeated Jeff 118-86
Weekly Pot Winner: Patrick (157 points)
'Till next time when we wrap up the Battle of the Beltways.
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