MIISFFL, like the NFL, is cracking down on excessive celebrations this season. Managers and players are receiving stiffer fines, suspensions, and in-game penalties for any brouhaha that might be possibly misconstrued by someone in Botswana as taking it too far. As NFL Dean of Officials Dean Blandino so eloquently put it, "We don't want to go down a slippery slope."
And that slippery slope is apparently covered in grease, lard, and at an angle of 75.8 degrees from the horizontal. Might as well already be in free fall.
This past weekend, Vernon Davis was penalized 15 yards for the horrendously evil act of pretending to shoot a basketball (er...football) through the uprights like Keith Olbermann circa 1996 was calling the game (FROM WAY DOWNTOWN...BANG!).
(hmmm, poor example. Keith Olbermann would NEVER call a Redskins game. If you can't figure out why, maybe YOU need a 15 yard penalty).
Anyway, this past weekend everyone in MIISFFL suffered some kind of setback for being a tad too excessive. Hey, fair is fair right? Who got dinged for what.
Nick-Excessive gloating and mashup-ing after his inauspicious 4-1 start. Penalty-demoted to the business end of the Blowout of the Week.
Dewey-Excessive piling of the defending champ. It's got to be like Little League for JP, mercy rule! Penalty-$5,382.57 fine as per the MIISFFL collective bargaining agreement.
Kent-Excessive evilness. In attempt to soften the blow, knowing what was coming, he declined an offer to do the mashup this week leaving Fatties Figure for another day. Penalty-20 yards, a 5 day suspension, and a 1-week vacation with KSo.
Jeff-Excessive Forrest Gumping. Commissioners are people too! As Jeff ran away and hid over the weekend he contemplated what his play would be to avoid the obvious retaliation. Penalty-One David Johnson punch to the groin.
Sean-Excessive Odell Beckhaming. What the hell was that????? Beckham may have made up for his misdeeds with the kicking net, but the circus that ensued was too much to be overlooked. Penalty-3 hits to the head with a kicking net and a Ramen Noodle haircut.
Patrick-Excessive Redskin-ing. Patrick's overreliance on Redskins finally bit him where the sun don't shine as Jordan Reed suffered yet another concussion. Penalty-Redskins tickets for life, currently on appeal with this weekend's victory.
Tom-Excessive Golding. Classing going for broke in every game thus far has left Tom as either the vanquisher or the vanquished. Penalty-Stripped of all previously won medals and a 2 year doping suspension
Chris-Excessive hiding. Since we never hear from the guy except at the draft and all he does is win (except for this week of course). Penalty-3 weeks in fantasy football boot camp to toughen him up
Zach-Excessive Camming. Zach never did get over his Cam Newton obscession. Penalty-Demotion to the Futility Bowl and a loss to the New Orleans Saints.
Nate-Excessive Magic-ing. How dare you run away to Hawaii to play in a card game tournament! Penalty-One week exile on an isolated Pacific Island. Credit for time already served.
JP-Excessive losing. With Sean's victory this week that means JP no longer has a pillow fight partner for later in the season. Penalty-Finish the regular season.
Eddie-Excessive not being excessive enough. Admittedly Eddie is the toughest one to do an item such as this. HE DOESN'T SAY OR DO ANYTHING. STOP BEING SO DAMN NICE!!!! Penalty-15 yards, automatic first down (about as blah a penalty as you can get these days).
Let's get to the recaps.
How did the champ do. Eventually, one of these weeks, JP is going to win. And when he does it will be like a tree falling in the forest when nobody is around. And he did not just lose this week, he put up the worst fantasy score not only of this season, but of the last 2! All Dewey had to do was show up and he'd emerge the victor, and he did with a win of 110-60, doubling this item as the official Blowout of the Week. Dewey's score was not particularly awe-inspiring, but after back-to-back defeats following a 3-0 start, playing JP was just what the doctor ordered. JP predicted a breakout game by Marcus Mariota, and that's exactly what happened, as he tops 30 points for the first time this year.
Game of the Week Not a whole lot of particularly close games (and the Futility Bowl will NEVER double as the game of the week), but it's got to go to Kent defeating Chris 139-106 in one of only 2 games where both teams scored over 100 points. Kent is feeling his oats after an 0-2 start while touting advanced metrics that finally are starting to bear some fruit as he has vaulted all the way up to 3rd place overall and in a 4-way tie for first place in the AFC. Kent is now officially a Dallas Cowboys fan as Dak Prescott put up yet another 20 point performance, keeping Tony Romo on IR and out of fantasy lineups everywhere, not to mention football period. Seriously, if the Cowboys start him over Dak...oh who am I kidding, GET WELL SOON ROMO! Shady McCoy survived an injury scare to put up 35 of his own, and Chris could not keep up.
Blowout of the Week As mentioned above, JP gets into multiple items in this mashup for all the wrong reasons, but since he can't monopolize the whole blog somebody else has to come in and take their lumps. This week, the 2nd biggest bombing was from the Mom Bomb Squad himself. Jeff Newman, welcome to the league! After an 0-4 start, he now has back to back wins, including an emphatic 141-100 bashing over....me (:-(). I didn't have the best fantasy day, not that it would've mattered this week, and I have some decisions to make over MeSean Jackson doing nothing and Matthew Stafford racking up the points on the bench. Meanwhile, Jeff to play Gronk Spike (WHERE'S THE FLAG!?) and Dalton throwing passes to everyone on the Bengals not named AJ Green. However, as mentioned above, David Johnson just had to give Jeff a 35 point love tap below the belt just to remind everyone where the power truly lies in the league in spite of the result (coughcough stillfirstplace coughcough).
The Futility Bowl Zach may not be completely over his love affair with Cam, but Drew Brees did a lot to at least put him out of Zach's mind, at least for a while with a 40-burger. Angry Brady countered with 32, but alas, the scoring for this one ended right there as Nate is still suffering from a Magic-induced Hawaiian hangover. Zach will say thank you very much, at least in this futility bowl, nobody put up a negative number, as he wins 97-86 and gets in the fatal 4-way at 4-2 in the AFC.
This week's other results:
Patrick defeated Tom 125-76
Sean defeated Eddie 104-81 (Sean is off the schneid!)
Weekly Pot Winner: Jeff (141 points)
Next week we reach the halfway point of the regular season (already!?)
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