Menace Mashup 2016: Week 5

**The following is a parody of recent events concerning a certain presidential candidate.  The Mashup does not condone violence of any kind.  The identities of people in this parody have been used without their permission.**

We have an urgent news bulletin coming into the Mashup World News Headquarters.  According to this wire story, we apparently have a previously unheard of audio recording of official MIISFFL villain Andrew Kent caught on a hot mic.  Let's take a listen:

Billy Bush: So Mr. Kent, what do you think of them ladies?

Kent: Oh I love me some ladies, I love to grab them by the *******.

Billy Bush: That's rich! (Giggles)

Kent: And you know what else?  I love Entertainment Tonight!

Billy Bush: It's actually Access Hollywood, but hey, it's cool.  You love the ladies!

Kent: Don't get on my bad side, or I might grab you by the *******.  Remember I am the notorious arch-villain of the Menace II Sobriety Fantasy Football League (tm)!

Billy Bush: Well, that's not exactly.......

Kent: SILENCE!  I KEEEEEL YOU!

Billy Bush:  But...

Kent: SILENCE!  I KILL YOU!

Billy Bush: Aren't you not just ripping off a Jeff Dunham character?

Kent: SILENCE!  AYEAYEAYEAYE!

At this point the audio goes silent.  In a related story, Billy Bush has officially be reported as missing.  Kent on the other hand, was suspended for 4 games by MIISFFL for this outburst, but is challenging that suspension.  Justice Sonia Sotomayor issued an injunction against MIISFFL allowing Kent to play this week as he exhausts all of his legal options.  The law firm of Brady, Belichick, and Gronkowski LLP have been hired to represent him.

How did the champ do?  This item doubles as our Blowout of the Week, and just when you think JP can't hit any more new lows, well now this happens.  JP's season is officially in the toilet after a 163-90 beat down at the hands of the villainous Kent, who is still appealing and challenging his 4-game Berate-gate suspension.  Kent stayed up all night last night in eager anticipation of this week's mashup because he couldn't wait to see the audio transcript of his meeting with Billy Bush.  On the field, Kent's squad thus far has defied the odds being picked to finish dead last in the league by most conventional standards.  Kent has touted his so-called "advanced metrics" which place him in the top 4 in the league.  At least for this week, the sabermetrics defeated the conventional metrics as Kent posts the top score in the league.

Game of the Week A nip and tuck affair between Dewey and Nate that went down to the last whistle on Monday night results in Nate squeaking a 136-134 victory over Dewey, who once again put all of his faith in Tampa Bay Buccaneers.  Dewey came into Monday night with a 1-point lead, and this time, anyway, his gamble almost paid off (almost).  Jameis Winston and Reuben Aguayo combined for 21 points on the night.  Nate countered with Greg Olsen...who scored 24 all by his lonesome snagging 9 balls for a buck-81.  That proved to be enough to put Nate over the top and get him back above .500 at 3-2.  Dewey, after opening the season at 3-0, has been pulled back to the rest of the pack at 3-2, but he has a chance to right the ship in the Buccaneer Bowl next week as he takes on defending champ/bottom feeder JP.

Blowout of the Week: As mentioned already, Kent took care of this weeks blowout by hammering JP.  This week's runner up for the Battle of Austerlitz came between Eddie and Tom as Eddie...humble pie Eddie himself is now up to 4-1 and a 4-game winning streak after a 144-99 demolition, dropping Tom to 2-3.  Tom's season has been a lot like DeSean Jackson in fantasy: boom or bust.  D-stroy or be D-stroyed.  Eddie took some gambles this week with starts like Brian Hoyer and Martellus Bennett, but was handsomely rewarded for both with 57 points between the two of them.  Tom put his faith in Eli Manning, a fantasy no-no.  We will have to wait and see if Eddie will come out of his shell and start talking some trash this year, but considering how full he is on humble pie, probably not.

The Futility Bowl: Pretty good scores this week, but this was a no-brainer as Chris backs up his Futility Bowl loss last week with a Futility Bowl win 108-82 over Patrick, who seemingly made the right moves only starting 1 Redskin (a huge risk on his part).  Once again, Chris makes Donald Trump proud by getting 37 big ones from Ben Roethlisberger.  22 more from Arizona defense proved to be enough as the rest of his team went searching for Billy Bush, and all of Patrick's squad went and joined them.  Chris now is one of 3 teams at 4-1 along with Eddie and Nick

Yes, folks, me.  I'm taking some humble pie from Eddie and declining to gloat about my current 1st place status.

This week's other results:
Nick defeated Sean 118-83 (Nick is 4-1, Sean is in the toilet with JP at 0-5)
Jeff defeated Zach 111-108 (Congrats to Jeff for getting his first win!  Zach does not approve at 3-2)
Weekly Pot Winner: Kent (163 points)