All went according to script in week 3 of the NFL regular season and MIISFFL fantasy season, even down to the Redskins classic 4th quarter choke against the Cowboys in Dallas. A week full of divisional games had no lack of drama, even in MIISFFL as 4 more divisional matchups this week provided plenty of vim and vigor. Even the Basement Bowl was exciting...except for the fact that it was still the basement bowl and either team would've been obliterated by just about any other player in MIISFFL this week. In any event, just like Romo's so-called punctured lung, it's time to miraculously heal our wounds from Week 3, and start to focus on Week 4.
There are no fractured ribs, broken hands (or maybe bruised...those X-Rays are just too questionable these days), punctured lungs, torn ACLs, grade 2 concussions, pulled hamstrings, pinched nerves, torn cartiledge, cramps, faked injuries (but only in New York), or any of the other myriad assortment of injuries that keep Dr. James Andrews in buisness. Yes folks, we are MIISFFL, beaten and bruised, banged up and swollen, but somehow, some way, we find a way to make time in our day for the mashup...and the match recaps.
The "Dream Team" in Philadelphia is 1-2 and so is our Supreme Team as our Supreme Being is not feeling quite as Supreme following a 25 point loss to the still undefeated Undefeated squad of Tom. Tom could not possibly have called his shot this year...after all, he did squander a 7-1 record last season to fall completely out of the playoffs. However, 2011 is a new year, and like in past years, there has been some wheeling and dealing. In our first non-computer related trade of the year, Tom and Kent matched wits, and swapped a total of 4 players: Tom receiving Andre Johnson and Joseph Addai in exchange for Ahmad Bradshaw and Frank Gore (who may not be off the trading block yet). The trade paid dividends for Tom gaining 19 points from Johnson (although Bradshaw piled up 22 for Kent). The match was not in doubt going into Monday night, although Tom took a risk starting Dallas' defense nursing a 6-point lead. Ahh, but that was the Redskins the Cowboys were playing last night...not much of a risk at all.
The Redskins lose...and Caputo's Corner finally wins, although the Basement Bowl lived up to its name. Both Nick and Gaz put up paltry numbers (Nick's partially inflated due to Moss and Fred Davis on Monday night), but still both players earned the two worst scores in the league this week: fitting for the two teams ranked 11th and 12th respectively in all of MIISFFL. Unfortunately, somebody had to win...might as well be me, right? My season lasts into week 4 while Gaz is already inspecting potential keepers and draft picks for 2012. At 0-3, Gaz's season might be still on life support, but somebody is about to pull the plug. I hear there is a sale at the clothing store........
KSo could not back up a victory over the 09 champ in week 2 with another in week 3 as Sean gets off the canvas following a poor week 2 performance of his own. This match came down to the Sunday night affair in Indianapolis as KSo's Pittsburgh defense went up against Sean's Reggie Wayne. Wayne may have gotten his wish and saw Curtis Painter under center, but Pittsburgh happily enjoyed beating up on the Manning-less Colts. Nevertheless, KSo's deficit was just too much to overcome despite Troy Polamalu dancing in the endzone following a strip sack. Sean improves to 2-1 after surviving KSo this week, but watch out, KSo may be on the up and up...which could spell bad news for our Supreme Being, who has not exactly pulled punches this week in getting himself psyched for his matchup with KSo in week 4...one week before they actually play.
JP is enjoying one of his highest scoring seasons in history, and that trend continued in week 3 with a 60 point whitewash of Patrick Deegan. Deegan admitted his players emptied their bowels on their sleeping apparatus this week, but with JP scoring 150 (again...), it probably didn't matter. JP might very well have the real "Dream Team" thanks to Megatron, Rodgers, and Rob Gronkowski of all people (anybody seen the videotape?). The JP juggernaut, having just bulldozed through Patrick's school (THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!), takes dead aim at Tom's quest for an undefeated season in week 4 in what might be the game of the year.
Our scoring leaders through the first two weeks, Zach and Jeff, looked to meet in one of those "last team with the ball wins" matchups. While not quite matching their outputs of the first two weeks, Zach still manages to put a hurting on Jeff, cracking the 130 point mark for the 3rd straight week, blowing up Jeff's bomb yet again in his face. Jeff's consolation prize is an all expenses paid trip to Mexico! Where in Mexico is yet to be determined and if he really wants to go he probably would have to cover all the expenses himself...but he did get 22 points from Ryan Fitzpatrick. Bad thing for him though was that the high scoring Buffalo Bill on the day was Fred Jackson...owned by Zach. Who would've thought that we'd even be mentioning Buffalo Bills at all in fantasy? Ponder that for a minute.
Finally this week, Matt and Patrick Small played to a draw. Just kidding, Matt earned a 7 point win thanks in no small part to a 47-spot put up by Kent's favorite diminutive Patriots' receiver: Wes Welker. If Washignton Sentiels were actually Washington Redskins and we even got half of the points that Welker put up, I'd be a much happier man today than I currently am...(grumbles under breath again). As for Patrick, for the second week in a row he could not duplicate the offensive output he had against Nick in week 1. He'll have to kinda run all the way back to the drawing board to search for answers.
And that's a wrap on this edition of the Mashup verson 2.0 for the 2011 MIISFFL season. Taking a look ahead to week 4, we feature:
Kent-KSo (Kent gets to kick him around...or so he thinks)
Nick-Patrick Deegan (The original Teacher Bowl...often imitated, never duplicated)
Tom-JP (BATTLE OF THE UNBEATENS!)
Gaz-Matt (Gaz tries to scratch and claw out of the cellar against the rookie)
Zach-Patrick Small (The Esoteric Bowl...I don't know why I thought of that)
Sean-Jeff (Somebody had to be last on this list)
Will Kent back up weeks worth of trash talk and pile drive KSo into the Arabian sand? Who will emerge from the scrap heap at 4-0 and in command of MIISFFL? Will Gaz win at all? These questions...ANSWERED...and more, next time at
THE MENACE MASHUP!!!
Commissioner...signing off.
I. Will. Never. Will.
ReplyDeleteNever Nude.
But seriously, can a brother get a break? I took a beating and lost Britt all in one week...
DOH. I WILL NEVER WIN. I can't even win at typing.
ReplyDeleteIf 23-20 on a last-second field goal is "beating up on the Manning-less Colts," then 18-16 must be the Cowboys anally penetrating the Rex Grossman-led Redskins. You suck yet again at trash talking, Nick, making everyone who reads this (i.e. Gaz and I) question your understanding of the great sport of Football (capitalized, unlike, say, god).
ReplyDeleteKent, I don't understand why you assume everything I say about you and your Manning-less Colts has to be taken by you as a personal insult. I had no idea I had to use the proper dictionary definition of "beating up" in my posts. So I guess this means I have to make sure to remind everyone that the Colts will not only never lose with Peyton at the helm, but will win every game by at least 30 (because we all know this was the case in all 208 games Manning has started), and only because the starters only need to play 3 quarters. Guess I got my source material for next week. Thanks buddy.
ReplyDeleteI don't take it as an insult, Nick. I don't understand why you assume every critique of you is me being insulted. I have a pretty high expectation of your football knowledge when I read this blog, and so when I see you refer to a 23-20, last-second-field-goal-winning game as "beating up," I must either a) take issue with it and point out the absurdity of such a statement, or b) lower my expectations for reading this blog. I prefer to, and for the most part DO, do the former. If, on the other hand, you were deliberate in using such a ridiculous statement to evoke a reaction from me, then wouldn't I be RIGHT to take it as an insult?
ReplyDeleteAnyone who watched the game knows the Steelers were in a dogfight, and if anyone was getting "beaten up" it was Big Ben and his offense. If Peyton were playing (and Zach seconded this sentiment), that game would have been a Colts blow-out.
Objectively speaking, there are three reasons you could have made that particular statement about that particular game. The first two I've already mentioned. Either you watched the game and have no understanding about the dynamics of a football game (in which case my expectations for your commentary is entirely too high) or you understood the statement to be foolish and made it deliberately to provoke me (in which case I give you a friendly "go fuck yourself" :-P) The third is that you DIDN'T watch the game at all, in which I, as well as any objective reader (or at least I would think) would prefer no commentary on the game at all. Whichever case it may be, I don't feel like I'm being an asshole at all in calling you out - rather, I think you need to either get better at this or get a thicker skin. The goal of my critique isn't to belittle you, it's to try and spur improvement.