Last Week:
Me: 7-5 (61-48 overall)
AK: 8-5 (60-26)
Lattanzi: 9-4 (63-27)
We have reached the midway point of the NFL Season. How is your team faring? If it's anything like my picks...not too well. In any event, let's just get to the picks for week 9 and start off November right.
New York Jets @ Buffalo-The Bills are coming off a week where they did exactly what they were supposed to do to mediocre teams: shut them out. The Jets are coming off the bye and are well rested. The Bills may be undefeated in Canada, but now that they're back on US soil, don't expect them to make it easy on themselves. Nevertheless, the Jets really I don't think are as good as advertised. Buffalo 24 New York Jets 17
Cleveland @ Houston-zzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz. No Andre Johnson, no problem. Really, any game involving Cleveland, Seattle, Cincinnati, or Miami would be considered snoozers. Houston wins big. Houston 28 Cleveland 13
Miami @ Kansas City-Don't look now, but KC is on a 4 game winning streak with the winless Dolphins coming to town. Perhaps this is the opportunity for them to assert themselves in the AFC West after stumbling all over themselves coming out of the gate. The Dolphins are no strangers to terrible seasons, but even when they were at their very worst, they did pull one out (1-15 in 2007). KC is as good a team as any to bite the bullet and keep the 08 Lions the only 0-16 team in league history. Miami 10 Kansas City 7
Seattle @ Dallas-Dallas isn't very good. Tony Romo is frighteningly inconsistent, their play calling is terrible, and the defense got abused by the Michael Vick experience last Sunday night. The only good news for them is that Seattle is in town...a team that is a lot worse if you can believe it. Tavaris Jackson vs. Tony Romo? I'll take whatever is behind Door #3. Dallas 20 Seattle 6
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans-The Saints laid an egg against the Rams after hanging 60 on the Colts the week before. Which New Orleans team are we going to get this week? It's going to be embarassing one way or the other. Either the Saints will absolutely manhandle the Bucs, or the Saints will crawl back into their paper bags and let the Bucs run roughshod over them. I don't think the Bucs D can keep up with the Brees machine, and they don't have Stephen Jackson, so I think it's the Saints big. New Orleans 38 Tampa Bay 21
Atlanta @ Indianapolis-I've said a few times that this would be the week that Indy finally gets off the schneid. This won't be one of them. Atlanta is good, but do have a tendency to play down to the level of their competition. This week would be no exception. Manning has graduated to the sidelines, but as long as he's still not in a helmet, the Colts don't have a chance. Atlanta 23 Indianapolis 13
Denver @ Oakland-So Detroit exposed Tim Tebow last week, and now all the Tebow haters are pumping their chests out saying "See? We were right all along." I thought Tony Romo was supposed to be the most polarizing quarterback in the league. In any case, Oakland I think is a much better measuring stick for Tebow than either the Lions or the Dolphins. I think he will perform well this week. However, Darren McFadden will be the reason the Raiders win, and a late Janikowski bomb. Oakland 26 Denver 24
Cincinnati @ Tennessee-As said above...zzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz. Any game with a team from Ohio in it is automatically a snoozer. Chris Johnson is probably one more tackle away from being cut. So much for being the multi-million dollar man. I actually think Cinci takes this one. I don't think Tennessee can win it, just don't. Cincinnati 21 Tennessee 14
New York Giants @ New England-All of a sudden, the Giants are in the driver's seat in the NFC East. As they watch the competition crumble all around them, they see themselves with a chance to really assert themselves as the front runners. Unfortunately, they get New England this week in Foxboro. The Pats might not play defense very well, but I don't think Eli can keep up with Brady in a shootout. This is the regular season, not the Super Bowl. New England 38 New York Giants 35
Green Bay @ San Diego-San Diego is in serious danger of falling below the Mendoza line, after letting one slip away against the Jets, and losing to the Chiefs after a botched snap on a KNEEL DOWN play! Only teams coached by Norv Turner can lose on botching the snap on a kneel down. You know what team does not botch snaps on kneel downs? Green Bay doesn't. And they've had a lot of practice in that victory formation so far this year. Expect it again. Green Bay 41 San Diego 28
St. Louis @ Arizona-YAAAWWWWWNNN. They're both 1-6. Who cares? St. Louis 17 Arizona 14
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh-Most pundits are already chalking this up as a Steelers romp. They have revenge on their minds after the smack job they took in Baltimore week 1. Baltimore is terribly inconsistent, and needed a furious comeback last week just to beat the Cardinals. Pittsburgh puts up far more resistence on defense than Arizona, and their pride was hurt opening week, so look for them to make a statement, right? Right? I don't think so. Remember that Baltimore gets themselves psyched up for really only one team a year, and that would be Pittsburgh. Nobody really knows Pittsburgh better than Baltimore. Nobody knows how to make Ben Roethlisberger squirm quite like Baltimore. Nobody knows how to play mind games with the terrible towels quite like Baltimore. After this week, then they'll go back to playing average football. Baltimore 27 Pittsburgh 19
Chicago @ Philadelphia-The Eagles are now all of a sudden the team to beat in the NFC East, even though they are tied for "second" at 3-4 with Dallas and Washington, 2 games back of the Giants. Chicago is a very blitz happy team and that plays very nicely into the scrambling abilities of Michael Vick. I would not be shocked though if Vick takes another big hit this week and we get to see Vince Young...again. Philly wins. Philadelphia 33 Chicago 28
New York Jets @ Buffalo (-2.5): Buffalo shut out the Redskins last week in Toronto to kickstart their decent to 6-10, simultaneously reminding everyone that the Bills are still the best team in the AFC East. In come the resurgent Jets who have something to say about it. Buffalo is still king of this hill, so lay the points because they'll win by at least a field goal.
ReplyDeleteCleveland @ Houston (-10.5): The line is the real story here. The Texans win it, but by how much? The Brownies are without the Peyton "Strep Throat" Hillis again, the latest victim of the Madden curse. Still, 10.5 is a lotta points to lay. Y'know what? Lay'em.
Miami @ Kansas City (-4.5): Oh who cares. Miami gets off the schneid in Arrowhead as the Chiefs come down from their high after beating the perennially overrated Chargers.
Seattle @ Dallas (-11): Dallas got clobbered last week at Philly in what was supposed to be a battle for the soul of the NFC East. As it turns out, that soul is owned by the New York Football Giants. Anyhow, Seattle is woeful, so give the points as DeMarco Murray shows everyone why he's one of my keepers next year.
Tampa Bay @ New Orleans (-8.5): The Saints are a different team at home than they are on the road. At home they walloped the Colts and the Bears and won a shootout with Houston. On the road they lost to Tampa and St. Louis and just squeaked by Carolina. Luckily for them, they get the Bucs at home this week, where a two score victory surely awaits. Lay the 8 and the hook.
Atlanta (-7.5) @ Indianapolis: Atlanta is surging after thoroughly defeating Carolina Cam and shocking the Lions in Detroit. Indy is still searching for their first win of the season. Take the points and the Colts on the moneyline, because fuck it - that's my pick until they win.
Denver @ Oakland (-7.5): Tim Tebow got T-boned last week against Detroit (you heard it here first). What's next for him? A trip to the Black Hole - where Carson Palmer makes his first start as a Raider. Run DMC is still out with a bum foot, but that doesn't matter - the Broncs are terrible. Michael Bush will carry the day and California Carson relives his glory days of running up the score on the Left Coast. Lay the 7.5.
Cincinnati @ Tennessee (-2.5): Cincinnati is an undeserved underdog. They've got a couple of studly rooks on offense and the best defense in the league. They'll take that show on the road, and make what Indy did to CJ2YPC look like a career day (17 touches, 51 yards). Cincy is quietly the second best team in the AFC North, and a big showdown with the first-place Steelers looms next week. For now though, take them on the moneyline with the outright win.
New York Giants @ New England (-8.5): Fuck those cheaters. G-Men rechristen the stadium in Foxboro, MA "G-Lette Stadium." No Bradshaw, no Nicks? No problem. Giants are the best in the Beast, and they'll be the best in the biggest game on Sunday. Also, 91 Fuck breaks Brady's leg. Did I mention fuck those cheaters? Make like Reggie Bush and give those trophies and rings back. Everyone knows you didn't earn them.
ReplyDeleteGreen Bay (-6) @ San Diego: I don't know why every year everyone gets all high on the Chargers. They are perpetually just barely above average. The Packers, on the other hand, are going streaking. Look for the streak to continue with a big, double-digit win in "Whale's Vagina."
St. Louis @ Arizona (-2.5): I just fell asleep thinking about this game. The Rams are rolling and they could get Bradford back. We'll go with them.
Baltimore @ Pittsburgh (-3.5): What most people seem to think is going to be a terrific game I see as a Steeler beatdown avenging the week-one come-to-Jesus meeting at (e)M(p)T(y) Stadium (formerly known as P(is)SINet). Since then, the Steelers have righted the ship and returned to Super Bowl form, rolling off four straight and just about dominating those cheaters last week. Meanwhile, the Ravens took us back to 1918 with their offensive performance (and seriously, it offended me as a football fan) in a loss to Jacksonville. Pittsburgh romps, winning by double digits as Joeverrated Flacco puts up another negative fantasy football point total.
Chicago @ Philadelphia (-7.5): The Monday nighter smacks of 300 total yards for Matt Forte. Demarco Murray had about eighty yards on a handful of carries last week before the Cowboys got so far back they had to start chucking it. After seeing the awakening of Mike Vick and the Iggles offense last week, it would behoove Lovie Smith to reign in his mad scientiest OC this week and prescribe a heavy dose of the Green Waver. Screen passes, draws, and straight runs make it a close game. I'm tempted to call the road-dog upset, but I'll just say take the points and Philly to win.
San Francisco (-4) @ Washington: I'm still not ready to by the Niners. Unfortunately, beating the Redskins isn't exactly the way to earn my respect - half of the SEC could beat the Redskins. Lay the points, San Fran wins by at least a touchdown.