Usually, a post with a title such as this is a breakdown of the game, strengths and weaknesses, X's and O's, and key matchups to watch. However, since one of the things I said we would NOT do this week is break down the game, we're going to provide you an alternative way to analyze the Steelers and the Packers. In the spirit of Nick Bakay, we're just gonna live the dream, and break down this Super Bowl XLV matchup scientifically in 5 extremely vital areas that have absolutely direct consequence on the outcome of this game: fans, facilities, city experience, food, and history.
Vital Area #1: Fans
As we discussed in our post on bandwagon teams, the Steelers have the second worst bandwagon following in all of sports...not just the NFL. Needless to say, legions of Steelers "faithful" will be filming themselves on unregistered hypercams hoping that they get the recreate some sort of "moment" that will appear on a million dollar Super Bowl ad somewhere. This is not to say that the entire state of Wisconsin will not be doing the same. That being said here, it takes a hardy fellow to brave game conditions frequently in single digit temperatures and snow. Both teams here would seem to be on an even playing field in this regard. However, the Packers edge out the Steelers here for one very simple reason: Cheese on the forehead. The Steelers don't do themselves any favors with their local Rome viewing clubs, but what is more unique a fan tradition: a waving dish towel or a piece of foam cheese? Cheese wins out every time.
Advantage Packers
Vital Area 2: Facilities
This is really a battle of old versus new. The Packers sport archaic Lambeau Field (left), named after Curly Lambeau, the team's founder in 1921. This is a stadium full of rich history, including hosting some of the most important football games in the history of the league, including the 1967 Ice Bowl, giving the field its nickname of the "Frozen Tundra." This nickname is one of the reasons John Facenda (aka the "Voice of God") made old NFL Films clips so popular. It has undergone several renovations, mostl recently in 2003 to add luxury suites...a charming touch (sort of). On the other hand you have Pittsburgh's Heinz Field (right) named after...wait for it...a giant bottle of ketchup, a classic example of over the top corporate excess in the naming of a stadium that has yet to establish for itself a unique identity. A picturesque location on the Ohio River bank just downstream of the confluence and several modern amenities do make this a premier place to play football. However, a terrible field surface that is grossly overused (remember this?) usually leads to terrible playing conditions. Unpredictable winds lead to every scrimmage kick (PAT or FG) being an adventure. Now, at the same time, frozen tundra is just that, frozen. The field at Lambeau can be a solid block of ice, just ask anyone who played in the Ice Bowl. However, nowadays most NFL fields have the buried heating coils to make sure that doesn't ever happen again. Taking all of this into consideration, modern amenities just cannot take away from the historic charm an old ballfield and all of the Chunky Soup you can think of in the parking lot.
Advantage Packers
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| From virtourist.com |
Vital Area #3: City Experience
I like to consider myself somewhat of a road geek. I have not looked at all of the good road websites as much as I would like to lately, but having experienced this picture before (see right), it kind of makes this category a no contest. Driving out of the Fort Pitt tunnel to see the exploding Pittsburgh skyline in front if you is magnificent to say the least. I have not personally visited Pittsburgh and experienced the city itself, but I know several people who have. Oddly enough, I made this drive on my way home from a visit to the Pro Football Hall of Fame back in 2008. I don't know much about the city of Green Bay, Wisconsin other than it is on a peninsula of Lake Michigan, they love their Packers, and it's REALLY cold. Other than watch a football game, what else is there to do in Green Bay? The answer is not much. The football experience there is awesome. It better be with a stadium full of fans who waited 50 years to get their season tickets. Otherwise, Milwaukee's not that far away...
Advantage Steelers
Vital Area #4: Food
Not really much to describe here. Each city has its requisite cuisine. In Green Bay's case it's...well...cheese. In Pittsburgh, the local delicacy is Iron City beer. If there is a city local who has more knowledge of the local flavors, I'd be more than willing to listen here, but as far as I know, if the battle is solely between cheese and beer, beer wins every time. Oh wait a second, it's Iron City. Iron City does not win when 2/3 of the way across the state in Pottsville, they brew the masterpiece that is Yuengling. Steeltown makes an effort to take this category, but Pottsville just had to make their presence known.
Advantage Push
Vital Area #5: History
Green Bay's most iconic games include the Ice Bowl, winning the first two Super Bowls, and Brett Favre running around like kid who just ate a sugar stick at recess during Super Bowl XXXI. Pittsburgh's history includes 6 Super Bowl wins and the Immaculate Reception. Plenty to digest here, but you've read along this far so I'll spare you some of the nitty gritty details. Both teams have quite the history and tradition. When you don't take bandwagon fans into accout, the Steelers would win this category based on the Super Bowl wins alone. Unfortunately, the entitled bandwagon following loses the Steelers points...although not enough to outright lose this category. Any fan of football would most definitely appreciate the history of franchises like the Steelers and all of the good players they had at their disposal (Bradshaw, Harris, Swann, Stallworth, Greene, Lambert). The Packers still counter with their own list of greats (Lambeau, Lombardi, Starr, Hornung, White, Favre...yes even him). Just too close to make a call here.
Advantage Push
There you have it, it makes it so easier to break a game down when you do so scientifically. Based on these vital areas, the winner of Super Bowl XLV will be:
Push
We're just livin' the dream.
A "waving dish towel" that benefits a school that cares for mentally disabled people. What does the foam cheese-head benefit, other than fat white people in Wisconsin? (http://www.avs.net/terribletowel.cfm)
ReplyDeleteTogether with the refutation of your bandwagon theory of Pittsburgh, Pittsburgh wins easily. That, and I don't understand your logic of counting Yuengling AGAINST the Steelers. Pottsville isn't in Wisconsin, is it?
Advantage: Steelers.
@Kent Charitable causes did not factor into this at all...they could have just as easily done a food drive. Good for them that the Terrible Towel means something.
ReplyDeleteAnd last I checked, Pottsville is much more closely associated with Philadelphia than it is with Pittsburgh. When they stop brewing Iron City, then maybe you'll be on to something.
Advantage Push
Well, as the unofficial official spokesman of D.G. Yuengling and Son, I can tell you that when I take a swig of cold, refreshing Yuengling Lager, I'd much rather think of a sea of yellow towels than a city of Douchely Love.
ReplyDeleteI spit on Iron City, especially it's Light version. Take my word for it, it's as if someone drank Bud and then pissed it into a can. That's Iron City for you.
ReplyDeleteDon't hate on Philly, Andrew. Yuengling (which is my favorite beer) will NEVER be associated with Pittsburgh. Aside from IC, the other PGH beer, at least it used to be until Anheuser-Busch butchered it, was Rolling Rock.